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What a woman wants
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12910
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 7:57 pm    Post subject: What a woman wants Reply with quote

What I Want In A Man!

Original List: age (20 something)

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Can tow a Caravan
4. Can cook a BBQ
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Appreciates a good TV dinner
7. Helps with the housework

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where I have put things
3. Can still tow a van without causing chaos on the road
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Doesn't notice my facial hair and wrinkles
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Stops trying to tell jokes

What I want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing.
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.
3. Remembers where we both live.=20


Cheers, Vince

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)

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44marty
Super Member
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Joined: Mar 20, 2009
Posts: 775
Location: Cheshire, MA; USA

PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 8:34 pm    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

That's great!!! There's something to be said for older women, eh?

Now I can still remember where I live, but "you can't get there from here" may be just a few years away.

It's reassuring to know that I still have a chance at a 42 year old woman. I might have to move to Oz, though. I'm getting the feeling that the women are a bit fussier here in the US.

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The strength of the wolf is in the pack; the strength of the pack is in the wolf. ~ R. Kipling

I LOVE YOU, LADY LUCK !!!
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bracer
Member
Member


Joined: Dec 24, 2009
Posts: 46
Location: Prairie Dog Country

PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 9:07 pm    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

At age 75 I dont know if I care what they wont.

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bracer
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Joined: Dec 24, 2009
Posts: 46
Location: Prairie Dog Country

PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 9:08 pm    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

At age 75 I dont know if I care what they wont.

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Bushmaster
Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10218
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:30 am    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

Yup Bracer I agree...And you posted this twice, if that helps any... Laughing

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Suzanne
Super Member
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3263
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 5:45 pm    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

Bracer!!! you crack me UP!!!

Good one Vinnnnny!

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May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Elvis
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6809
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 1:11 am    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

yip older woman are a fine thing. at least I think they are Ive been married to a younger 1 for so long my memory is dimming.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 6910
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:47 am    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

They say the key to always looking young is to hang out with people that are older than you. Thus, Elvis, you will always be the old man.

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"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4714
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 2:26 pm    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

Wimmin's....pfft (Suz excluded of course). I'm a confirmed bachelor.

I LOVE'S ME GUNS AND DIRTBIKES. Very Happy
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slimjim
Super Member
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 6910
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 5:07 pm    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

stovepipe wrote:
I'm a confirmed bachelor.

So you are saying you never made any of the lists?
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Elvis
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6809
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:13 pm    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

Ive been out shooting today we got 5 bunnies 5 possoms and 2 hares it was hot and windy and I do feel like an old man thanks Slim.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 6910
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Sep 25, 2010 5:31 am    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
5 bunnies 5 possoms and 2 hares

You have a great women!! If I walked into the house with that harvest, I wouldn't be on the most "wanted" list. The kitchen and dinner table would be all mine!

Are the possoms for pie?
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Elvis
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6809
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Sep 25, 2010 3:17 pm    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

nah slim they are all for dog tucker to fatten our pampered pooches as the dog roll we feed them on doesnt do much for them and some decent meat they can put a foot on has to be a good change.

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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eunice.81
Rookie Member
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Joined: Oct 02, 2010
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 12:17 am    Post subject: Re: What a woman wants Reply with quote

This post is absolutely funny and also at some level quite true also, Vince. But after reading this post I can't able to stop my laugh up till now.

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