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Our Kiwi mates
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12984
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:43 am    Post subject: Our Kiwi mates Reply with quote

With apologies to Radar and Elvis right up front. Laughing Laughing Laughing

A Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem.
The Gorilla was on heat.

To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Graham, a big Kiwi lad & former All Black, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery.
Graham, like most Kiwis, seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. So the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.

Graham was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?
Graham showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Graham announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:

"Fust," he said, "I don't want to have to kuss er."

"Sicondly, you must niver niver tull anyone about thus."

The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third condition was.

"Wull," said Graham, "Can you give me another week to come up with the $500.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10247
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:32 am    Post subject: Re: Our Kiwi mates Reply with quote

And this was the beginning of the Aussie/Kiwi wars...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2985
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:30 am    Post subject: Re: Our Kiwi mates Reply with quote

Let the Aussie/Kiwi wars...begin. Fencing Sniper

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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TRBLSHTR
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1037
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 11:55 am    Post subject: Re: Our Kiwi mates Reply with quote

Laughing "That" should cause a scuffle! ROFL Laughing Cheers

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"Tolerance becomes a crime when applied to evil." Thomas Mann
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gelandangan
Super Member
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5693
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 2:47 pm    Post subject: Re: Our Kiwi mates Reply with quote

Haha

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2236
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:17 pm    Post subject: Re: Our Kiwi mates Reply with quote

Haha Haha Poke Hiding

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10247
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:20 pm    Post subject: Re: Our Kiwi mates Reply with quote

So far the score is 2 Aussies...0 Kiwis.

The Aussies are laughing..........

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2236
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Our Kiwi mates Reply with quote

Wait for it.
Should be good when the reply comes :0

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6892
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 2:37 am    Post subject: Re: Our Kiwi mates Reply with quote

hmmmm well what could I possibly add to that!!!! Shocked
although it would be typical for an Aussie to automaticaly look to a Kiwi for satisfaction of a carnal nature Very Happy Very Happy

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12984
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 2:48 am    Post subject: Re: Our Kiwi mates Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

Touche mate

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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