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The Duck
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12953
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 4:15 am    Post subject: The Duck Reply with quote

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck.
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.
"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck.
"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids
the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business
card. "Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the barman.

"The circus?" Repeats the duck.
"That's right," replies the barman.

"The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in
caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says.........







"WTF would they want with a plasterer??!"




Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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RePete
Super Member
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Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 762

PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 5:36 am    Post subject: Re: The Duck Reply with quote

Thanks Vince, that was a wee bit of a thigh slapper.

Worship

_________________
Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.

Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.
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Elvis
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6865
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 12:55 pm    Post subject: Re: The Duck Reply with quote

an oldie but a goodie
thanks for the chuckle

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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stovepipe
Super Member
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Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4758
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:16 pm    Post subject: Re: The Duck Reply with quote

I dont get it!
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12953
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 6:36 am    Post subject: Re: The Duck Reply with quote

You are a worry Stovey. Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4758
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 7:08 am    Post subject: Re: The Duck Reply with quote

My grammy used to say that! Laughing
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10237
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 8:08 am    Post subject: Re: The Duck Reply with quote

There's that need for a "hand slapping forehead" again...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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stovepipe
Super Member
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Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4758
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 8:10 am    Post subject: Re: The Duck Reply with quote

I STILL DON'T GET IT! Confused

And they let me have firearms... Shocked

Laughing
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6865
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 1:39 pm    Post subject: Re: The Duck Reply with quote

Stovie you remind me of a blond. how do you make a blond laugh on Wednesday????



tell her a joke on Monday.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Bushmaster
Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10237
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 1:51 pm    Post subject: Re: The Duck Reply with quote

Yeh, but....This is Saturday. Then what?

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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