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Cowboy Solution
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13021
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 8:41 pm    Post subject: Cowboy Solution Reply with quote

Cowboy Solution (This is Good) I really like the gasoline part.

I have lived, loved, lost and loved again. Life is not easy,..... but it is what it is.

Cowboy rules for:

Kansas, Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, Arkansas and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!

And there is more.............

The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline.

The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!

That would be 15 million less people using our gas.

The price of gas would come down.....

Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....

Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military....

Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.....

He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident.....

This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. .......

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.

Problem solved.....

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6931
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 12:22 am    Post subject: Re: Cowboy Solution Reply with quote

very good immigration issue solver.
those cowboy values are great maybe people who have been calling me one for years knew a thing or 2.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13021
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 1:11 am    Post subject: Re: Cowboy Solution Reply with quote

Mate...I've always had values similar to, and close to, those. I think it's a commonsense older generation thing.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7050
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 2:37 am    Post subject: Re: Cowboy Solution Reply with quote

A good one, Vince! What are the cowboys like down under?

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13021
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 3:24 am    Post subject: Re: Cowboy Solution Reply with quote

Well Slim, we don't have cowboys as such...we have jackaroos and jillaroos...but basically cattlemen and women are pretty much the same the world over mate. They dress a little differently, and work with different sorts of cattle and probably have slightly different ways of doing things...but they are basically the same.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4791
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 1:59 pm    Post subject: Re: Cowboy Solution Reply with quote

Another gem of wisdom from the King of Common Sense!

I'm posting this outside my place, on the phone poles, and hanging out with the Raven on my balcony to see who pulls it down. I got lots of copies of this printed up.....and .177 pellets!

Oh this is gonna be FUN.
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ROADJOCKY
Member
Member


Joined: Jan 29, 2010
Posts: 101
Location: SOUTHERN-OHIO

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 4:06 pm    Post subject: Re: Cowboy Solution Reply with quote

Vince wrote:
Mate...I've always had values similar to, and close to, those. I think it's a commonsense older generation thing.

Cheers, Vince
Yep your right Vince,Ithink it was all in the way you were raised as a kid to have good values,I am trying hard with my grandkids.There not even taught in school the way we were about values and being polite,oh well we still try. Very Happy
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7050
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 5:52 pm    Post subject: Re: Cowboy Solution Reply with quote

Vince wrote:
...we have jackaroos and jillaroos...

Thanks, Vince, for expanding my vocabulary!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7050
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 5:55 pm    Post subject: Re: Cowboy Solution Reply with quote

stovepipe wrote:
I'm posting this outside my place, on the phone poles, and hanging out with the Raven on my balcony to see who pulls it down. I got lots of copies of this printed up.....and .177 pellets!

Be careful and don't get in trouble, stovery!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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