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HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13519
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:19 pm    Post subject: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Reply with quote

DISNEYLAND

Two blondes were going to Disneyland .

They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.

They started crying and turned around and went home.


FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR
TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, 'What's the story?'

He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING
TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.

Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER
WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'

'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE
ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A
VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn.

She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.

Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'

She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY,

THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

Cheers, Vince

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Pumpkinslinger
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Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 4469
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 10:15 am    Post subject: Re: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Reply with quote

My wife is blonde... Maybe I won't share these...

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Mike

"I ain't no better than anyone else, and there ain't no one better than me!" Ma Kettle

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10506
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 10:32 am    Post subject: Re: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Reply with quote

You too? Mine too. Even at 55 she's still a blonde. Never quite figured that out. I went from auburn (dark red) to blonde. Hummm.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7490
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 1:57 pm    Post subject: Re: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Reply with quote

Vince, you have almost out-done yourself!! Thanks for the good chuckles!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7418
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 4:46 pm    Post subject: Re: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Reply with quote

Toooo funny. well done that man thats my chuckles for the day.

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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fnuser
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Joined: Dec 23, 2008
Posts: 914
Location: S.W. Missouri, U.S.A.

PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 6:25 pm    Post subject: Re: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Reply with quote

Hey Bush did you name your dog yet?

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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10506
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 8:26 pm    Post subject: Re: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Reply with quote

Grand daughter claimed him (for now) and named him Scoobee-do. Of course that will change when she loses interest in him...She's finding out there is a lot of work involved in having a dog.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5843
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 4:09 pm    Post subject: Re: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Reply with quote

My wife and I noticed that we are turning more and more blonde each day..
Maybe it is the sign of age
Very Happy

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


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Arron
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Joined: Nov 20, 2006
Posts: 351
Location: Cen.Iowa, by way of SWIowa

PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 11:57 pm    Post subject: Re: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? Reply with quote

I copied the one about the blondes going to Disneyland into my FACEBOOK status. And I would say it got alot of attention!!! And they all thought it was good!!!! I like 'em but you need to make the "jokes" shorter!!!! Can only put up 420 characters at time!!!!!!! HA HA HA HAH HAA HA HAH !!!!!!!!

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What do I know: I am just a line animal.
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