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Mafia
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:24 pm    Post subject: Mafia Reply with quote

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?



aSuza

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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Mafia Reply with quote

In the days of sail, a boatswain was court-martialled for murdering a sailor. It seemed he had knocked the man on the head and thrown his body over the side. He said the man had deserted, and swum ashore.
His defending officer made a lot of the fact that no body had been found.

"In fact," he said, "The sailor has just been arrested by the press gang, and they will now bring him in."

He pointed to the cabin door, and the judges followed his direction.

After thirty seconds, nothing happened. He lowered his arm and said, "Gentlemen, I confess that he has not been found - but you all waited to see if he would appear. You must therefore have some doubt that he is dead, and so you must not convict."

The court martial continued, and eventually the court was cleared for the five judges withdrew to discuss their verdict. There seemed no doubt, but the most junior judge (who must give his opinion first) said firmly, "Guilty."

"Nonsense," said the Admiral, "We all looked at the door. How can you have no doubt?"

"We all looked at the door, sir, but the boatswain didn't"

Suz

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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:33 pm    Post subject: Re: Mafia Reply with quote

A man fell asleep on the beach. He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs and was taken to the closest hospital, which happened to be a U.S. Naval Hospital.

His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony. The lead on the medical staff at the naval hospital, that night, was a Chief Corpsman, in the emergency room. The Chief checked him out and then prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water, electrolytes, a mild sedative, and Viagra.

Rather astounded, the 3rd class corpsman, who was with the Chief inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?"

The Chief replied, "It'll keep the sheet off his legs."


Suz

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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7447
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 3:04 am    Post subject: Re: Mafia Reply with quote

Suzanne wrote:
Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?

First chuckle of the day!! Thanks!!
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7447
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 3:14 am    Post subject: Re: Mafia Reply with quote

Suzanne wrote:
"We all looked at the door, sir, but the boatswain didn't"

Excellent deduction by the judges!

Reminds me of the first lie detector - a donkey in a dark room. A suspect was told to go into a dark room and hold on to the tail of the donkey - a trained animal that could tell if you were lying. If a person was lying when answering a question the donkey would bay. If the person spoke the truth, the donkey would remain quite. How could a donkey do this? The donkey's tail was covered with black soot. If the suspect emerged from the room with a clean hand, you would know the person had nothing to hide and was holding the tail of the donkey. If their hands were clean - well - that person had something to hide and was not telling the truth.
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7447
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 3:17 am    Post subject: Re: Mafia Reply with quote

Suzanne wrote:
"It'll keep the sheet off his legs."


I now have enough "chuckles" to last the day. I need that because its going to be a long one.
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rdwllce
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Joined: Feb 15, 2009
Posts: 97
Location: Tuscaloosa Alabama

PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 6:09 pm    Post subject: Re: Mafia Reply with quote

I JUST COME HERE FOR THE HUMOR.tHANK YOU YOUNG LADY.

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