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Updated - Cows
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5633
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 5:39 pm    Post subject: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Cows - updated

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

EUROCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

LEHMAN BROTHERS VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12766
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 1:32 am    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

gelan wrote:
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Haha Haha Haha Haha

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)

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SwampFox
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 15, 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: Destin, Florida

PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 5:53 am    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Sounds like "Bull" to me. Cool
Best,
Ed

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The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill
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wiersy111
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Joined: May 13, 2009
Posts: 2346
Location: Central Minnesota

PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 2:44 pm    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Mmmmmmm....... steak!!!!!

_________________
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America " for an amount of "up to and including my life."

US ARMY RETIRED

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Being "Over the Hill" is much better then being under it!
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stovepipe
Super Member
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Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4675
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 12:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Hamburgers, no, wait...cheeseburgers! They both come from the same animal!

Some bacon would be nice too... but that's another joke and, wishful thinking.
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wiersy111
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Joined: May 13, 2009
Posts: 2346
Location: Central Minnesota

PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 2:55 pm    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Stoves refer to my post above. Steak!!!!!

_________________
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America " for an amount of "up to and including my life."

US ARMY RETIRED

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Being "Over the Hill" is much better then being under it!
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stovepipe
Super Member
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Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4675
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 6:18 am    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

Oh dear god yes.... rub on some spices, chunk it on the grill, serve it up with some carmelized onions, corn on the cob, big fat russets, green beans, lots of froste ones....oooh- and some apple cobbler and vanilla ice cream for dezert.

*growl, grumble....*
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wiersy111
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Joined: May 13, 2009
Posts: 2346
Location: Central Minnesota

PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 6:28 am    Post subject: Re: Updated - Cows Reply with quote

The way your belly is growling you might trigger an earthquake.

Every time I see a cow all I see is a nice juicy steak on the hoof.

_________________
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America " for an amount of "up to and including my life."

US ARMY RETIRED

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Being "Over the Hill" is much better then being under it!
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