This was shared on another site.....--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end
it on friendly terms. We can smile; slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go on our own ways.
Here is my model dissolution agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. You take
the big cities with their crime problems and we will take most of suburban and rural America.
After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like re-distributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges, the ACLU and feminist groups.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, NPR, Hollywood, Academia, and the Book Publishing Industry. We keep talk radio and Fox and the libraries.
You can make nice with Iran , Syria and Hamas, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or our country is under assault, we'll provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. along with their yearly billing. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru Station Wagon you can find.
You worry a lot about global warming. This winter we have been looking for a lot more of it. If it takes more C02 emissions to achieve that we will gladly take those as well.. Baby, its cold outside! You can give everyone health-care, if you can find any practicing doctors who will follow you to your turf. We'll continue to believe health care is a luxury and not a right.
We keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic, the National Anthem and America the Beautiful. I'm sure you'll be happy with Imagine, I'd Like to Teach The World To Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.
In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.
PS. Please also take Barbra Streisand and Sean Penn in case they don't go with Hollywood.
_________________ Liberals and labotomies go hand in hand. |