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16 things it took me over 50 years to learn....
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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1895ss
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 1:17 pm    Post subject: 16 things it took me over 50 years to learn.... Reply with quote

16 things it took me over 50 years to learn....

.....by Dave Barry.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.. (This one is very important)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark . A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . . They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

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'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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shrpshtrjoe
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Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 2955
Location: Maryland

PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:16 pm    Post subject: Re: 16 things it took me over 50 years to learn.... Reply with quote

ROFL I'm still laughing at 1
Joe

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12950
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:31 am    Post subject: Re: 16 things it took me over 50 years to learn.... Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Laughing ROFL Laughing ROFL

Me too Joe....as soon as I read it I had this vision of a guy in bed... Yuck

Cheers, Vince

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Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Morax
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Joined: Dec 18, 2006
Posts: 618
Location: Pittsburgh Pa

PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:29 am    Post subject: Re: 16 things it took me over 50 years to learn.... Reply with quote

i wanna know why everyone made such a big deal when i turned 40?!?
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mulletboy
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Joined: Jan 10, 2009
Posts: 17
Location: somerset pa

PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 4:41 pm    Post subject: Re: 16 things it took me over 50 years to learn.... Reply with quote

that couldent be any funny Worship Haha Group Jaw Drop er

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A17Shooter
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Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 323
Location: California Foothills (Gold Country)

PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 1:36 am    Post subject: Re: 16 things it took me over 50 years to learn.... Reply with quote

Morax wrote:
i wanna know why everyone made such a big deal when i turned 40?!?

You're 40, already???????? Wow!!!!!

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