HuntingNut
HuntingNut
   Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister
     
 

User Info

Welcome Anonymous


Membership:
Latest: DrDave
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 1
Overall: 12384

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 156
BOT: 4
Total: 160
Who Is Where:
 Visitors:
01: Forums
02: Forums
03: Forums
04: Forums
05: Forums
06: Statistics
07: Forums
08: Forums
09: Forums
10: Your Account
11: Forums
12: Photo Albums
13: Forums
14: Your Account
15: Forums
16: Forums
17: Photo Albums
18: Forums
19: Forums
20: Forums
21: Your Account
22: Forums
23: Forums
24: Photo Albums
25: Forums
26: Forums
27: Forums
28: Forums
29: Forums
30: Forums
31: Forums
32: Forums
33: Forums
34: Forums
35: Forums
36: Photo Albums
37: Forums
38: Forums
39: Forums
40: Photo Albums
41: Forums
42: Photo Albums
43: Forums
44: Forums
45: Photo Albums
46: Your Account
47: Forums
48: Forums
49: Forums
50: Forums
51: Forums
52: Forums
53: Forums
54: Forums
55: Forums
56: Forums
57: Forums
58: Forums
59: Photo Albums
60: Forums
61: News
62: News
63: Forums
64: Photo Albums
65: Forums
66: Forums
67: Forums
68: Photo Albums
69: News
70: Forums
71: Forums
72: Photo Albums
73: Forums
74: Photo Albums
75: Forums
76: Forums
77: Forums
78: Forums
79: Forums
80: Forums
81: Photo Albums
82: Forums
83: Forums
84: Forums
85: Forums
86: Forums
87: Forums
88: Forums
89: Forums
90: Photo Albums
91: Forums
92: Forums
93: Forums
94: Forums
95: Photo Albums
96: Forums
97: Photo Albums
98: Forums
99: Photo Albums
100: Forums
101: Forums
102: Forums
103: Photo Albums
104: Your Account
105: Your Account
106: Home
107: Forums
108: Forums
109: Forums
110: Forums
111: Photo Albums
112: Forums
113: Forums
114: Forums
115: Your Account
116: Forums
117: Forums
118: Photo Albums
119: Forums
120: Forums
121: Forums
122: Forums
123: Forums
124: Forums
125: Forums
126: Your Account
127: Photo Albums
128: Forums
129: Forums
130: Forums
131: Forums
132: Photo Albums
133: Forums
134: Forums
135: Photo Albums
136: Forums
137: Forums
138: Forums
139: Photo Albums
140: Your Account
141: Forums
142: Forums
143: Forums
144: Photo Albums
145: Forums
146: Forums
147: Your Account
148: Forums
149: Forums
150: Forums
151: Forums
152: Forums
153: Forums
154: Forums
155: Forums
156: Forums
  BOT:
01: Photo Albums
02: Forums
03: Your Account
04: Forums

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
 

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 312
 Pictures: 2417
  · Views: 251893
  · Votes: 1255
  · Comments: 86
 

Support our Advertisers

Christmas in The South
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12818
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 8:53 pm    Post subject: Christmas in The South Reply with quote

Yeah...I know it ain't Christmas yet Confused ...but this is a lead up. Very Happy

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back.

The Skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care, with hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds, while visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.

And Ma in her nightgown all stained with red jello, had just settled down to watch Jay Leno.

When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard, I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.

I ran to the door, like I's on a mission, but I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission.

The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin', Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'.

When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see but a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep.

With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick I said, "Shoot Fire! That must be St. Nick!

More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came, and he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name.

Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS! On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS!

From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins, Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins!

I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack, pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack.

He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog, I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog.

He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front, and his jeans were all bloody from that morning's hunt.

A big nekkid lady tattooed on his neck, and he wore black boots that he'd picked up in Iraq.

His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey, from the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky.

A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops, the veins on his face looked ready to pop.

The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip, he wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips.

He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly, I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly.

He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three, and I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me.

A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head, from his hair came a rat that ran under the bed.

He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic, then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics.

His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice, but he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the price.

He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells, some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies, and a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size.

When the presents were gone and he had no more, he staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door.

He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order, "Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!"

And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL... YEE HAWWWW!

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)

Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10187
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 7:20 am    Post subject: Re: Christmas in The South Reply with quote

Yup...Just too early for Christmas poetry...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 1
All times are GMT - 7 Hours



Jump to:  


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Advertisements
 


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of HuntingNut.com.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by HuntingNut.com
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by Dizfunkshunal :.