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If you could talk to the animals...
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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FALPhil
Super Member
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Joined: Aug 18, 2007
Posts: 377
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 7:53 am    Post subject: If you could talk to the animals... Reply with quote

An Kiwi ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: Hey, good looking dog. Mind if I speak to him?

Australian: The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Kiwi.

Ventriloquist: Hey dog, how's it going old mate?

Dog: Doin' alright.

The Australian is shocked!

Ventriloquist: Is this Aussie your owner? (Pointing at the Australian)

Dog: Yep.

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.

The Australian can't believe his ears!

Ventriloquist: Mind if I talk to your horse?

Australian: Horse doesn't talk either.

Ventriloquist: Hey horse, how's it going?

Horse: No worries.

The Australian's mouth is agape.

Ventriloquist: Is this your owner? (Pointing at the Australian?)

Horse: Yep.

Ventriloquist: How's he treat you?

Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.

The Australian is TOTALLY amazed!

Ventriloquist: Mind if I talk to your sheep?

Australian: Wait a minute, mate! Those sheep are damned liars!

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gelandangan
Super Member
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5871
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 5:10 pm    Post subject: Re: If you could talk to the animals... Reply with quote

I think that you and your kiwi friend got lost, land at the South Island and think that it is Australia..
After all, it is quite a long swim.
It figures...
Those Kiwis and their friends are pretty gullible..

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13632
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 8:08 pm    Post subject: Re: If you could talk to the animals... Reply with quote

Methinks you are correct Gelan...I can see it now...a Kiwi looks at his girlfriend and says "you look gorgeous honey"....to which she replies BAAAAAA.

Laughing

Cheers, Vince

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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