Another Oldie but goodie
Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered. Here is a description of their properties:
Element Name: WOMAN
Atomic Weight: Don't even go there!!
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
Atomic Weight: 180 +/- 50
Physical Properties: Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find pure sample.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Fm any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element: CHILD) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of Fm, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.