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When I'm 65
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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SwampFox
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Joined: Jul 15, 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: Destin, Florida

PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 10:47 am    Post subject: When I'm 65 Reply with quote

I sure hope one of us is left in charge when I retire.....

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.."


My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the help or the manager, please.


I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman , KS



My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

From Kansas City


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

Birmingham , Ala.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.



I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office.



When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."

Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi

Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Confused Confused Confused

_________________
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10302
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:49 pm    Post subject: Re: When I'm 65 Reply with quote

SwampFox. Is there any reason you picked that particular age? wtf

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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1895ss
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Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
Location: West of Here!!

PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:16 pm    Post subject: Re: When I'm 65 Reply with quote

What's wrong with 65???????????? Confused Seems like a nice aaahhhhhhhhhh................... well.......... aaaaahhh........ round number..................... Surprised Shocked Cool Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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A cruel truth is much more desirable than a really nice lie.
'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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SwampFox
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 15, 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: Destin, Florida

PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2007 6:37 pm    Post subject: Re: When I'm 65 Reply with quote

Just got back to the computer, keeping the spl ops son entertained.

Why?
"Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 65....."
Ed

_________________
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10302
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 8:11 am    Post subject: Re: When I'm 65 Reply with quote

Ooh Goodie...A Beatles fan...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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sniper
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Aug 18, 2005
Posts: 735
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 10:45 am    Post subject: Re: When I'm 65 Reply with quote

1895ss wrote:
What's wrong with 65???????????? Confused Seems like a nice aaahhhhhhhhhh................... well.......... aaaaahhh........ round number..................... Surprised Shocked Cool Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy


UH huh! Good save, bucko!

Regardless of uninformed and negative press to the contrary, those of us over 65 ARE BY NO MEANS THROUGH! We are just smart enough to know if going over is more difficult, we go around! Very Happy

RETIREMENT...six Saturdays, and one Sunday. Roses Cool
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