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middle wife
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7047
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sun Dec 27, 2015 1:25 pm    Post subject: middle wife Reply with quote

Thought this was too good not to pass on to you lot Very Happy

The
'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.....

I've
been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the
best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a
few years back.

When
I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my
students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty
tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch,
stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on
them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're
welcome.

Well,
one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her
turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her
sweater.

She
holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm
going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First,
Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in
my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through
an umbrella cord.'

She's
standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and
wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.

'Then,
about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh,Oh, Oh!'
Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house
for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk
and groaning.)

'My
Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign
on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like
this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the
wall.)

'And
then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got
thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'
(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away.
It was too much!)

'Then
the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They
started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out
comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was
from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside
there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in
there.'

Then
Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I
applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring
my camcorder, just in case another ' Middle Wife' comes
along.

Now
you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone
else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!!

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5760
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Dec 27, 2015 4:32 pm    Post subject: Re: middle wife Reply with quote

Precocious - Loved it.

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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pete4d
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 365
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Sun Dec 27, 2015 8:19 pm    Post subject: Re: middle wife Reply with quote

LoL,,,Long deep belly laugh,,,great story

_________________
"march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968

When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other.

I'm on the watch list are you ?
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