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Things I've learned
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2238
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 5:56 am    Post subject: Things I've learned Reply with quote

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just f**k off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you pass wind.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8.. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5702
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 3:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Things I've learned Reply with quote

Good advices!!

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6932
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 10:04 pm    Post subject: Re: Things I've learned Reply with quote

very good advice thanks for sharing.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13021
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 10:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Things I've learned Reply with quote

No arguments from me Pete.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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