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The Old Coot
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13468
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:07 pm    Post subject: The Old Coot Reply with quote

An old prospector named Ralph, shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.
Old Ralph headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.

He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

Ralph looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance.. never really wanted to.."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector Ralph- not wanting to get a toe blown off - started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

Old Ralph turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barrelled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in Old Ralph's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir...... but... I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:

Never be arrogant.

Don't waste ammunition.

Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

Always, always make sure you know who has the power.

Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.

I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?


Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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camel
Member
Member


Joined: May 30, 2011
Posts: 129
Location: Hillston Nsw Australia

PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:43 pm    Post subject: Re: The Old Coot Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing The missus evfen liked that one Laughing Laughing

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Gut shot rabbits aint worth jack shit. Camel
Opinions are like rear ends, every one has got one.
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7345
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 1:49 am    Post subject: Re: The Old Coot Reply with quote

mmmmmm mule ass theres got to be something in there even Bushy can relate too...
thanks for the chuckle ol bean.

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7449
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 4:41 am    Post subject: Re: The Old Coot Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
mmmmmm mule ass theres got to be something in there even Bushy can relate too....

Elvis, you made me laugh even more!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10480
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:19 am    Post subject: Re: The Old Coot Reply with quote

Keep in mind Elvis..."Don't mess with old people; they don't get old by being stupid.".... I'm still around and I don't dance either...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7345
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:22 pm    Post subject: Re: The Old Coot Reply with quote

thanks Bushy. Im old enough now to realise that in order to be older and wiser 1st you have to be young and dumb. Embarassed
Im sure the ladies out there will be disapointed Sad to learn you wont be getting them up for a spin Very Happy I was sure you would have foxtrotted at least!
I love getting up for a dance with a pretty lass Very Happy walze,foxtrot or good ol rock n roll.

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10480
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Jul 09, 2011 7:17 am    Post subject: Re: The Old Coot Reply with quote

I use ta dance, but them damned horses stepped on my "dancin' toes" to many times.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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