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SHOPPER
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12944
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 6:35 am    Post subject: SHOPPER Reply with quote

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

• 2 litres of low fat milk,
• a carton of eggs,
• 2 litres of orange juice,
• a head of lettuce,
• half a dozen tomatoes,
• a 500g jar of coffee,
• a 250g pack of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" Confused


The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly." wtf Laughing Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10236
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:26 am    Post subject: Re: SHOPPER Reply with quote

Never thought of that. When you're my age you really have to be OOOgly to be pasted up.

Got a little more then a chuckle out of that one...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 9:43 am    Post subject: Re: SHOPPER Reply with quote

ROFL

Dimitri

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A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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1895ss
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
Location: West of Here!!

PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 10:27 am    Post subject: Re: SHOPPER Reply with quote

Good one....... Very Happy Very Happy I guess no matter what everyone has to eat....... Laughing Laughing

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A cruel truth is much more desirable than a really nice lie.
'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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freedyf
Member
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Joined: Dec 27, 2005
Posts: 37
Location: Idaho Falls, Idaho

PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:37 pm    Post subject: Re: SHOPPER Reply with quote

Good one, Vince. I really appreciate your humor, it's good to have an Auzzie around. Freedyf

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Hold'em, squeezem - make the first shot count, you may not get seconds.
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Bushmaster
Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10236
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:57 pm    Post subject: Re: SHOPPER Reply with quote

Yeah...Vince is our token Aussie. And it is nice to have him around plus the other Aussies assigned to this site...Ooops....

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12944
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:05 pm    Post subject: Re: SHOPPER Reply with quote

Thanks guys....some would suggest that I have a terribly warped sense of humour. Laughing

But I can live with it. Very Happy Laughing Very Happy Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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popgun
Member
Member


Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 735
Location: Mitchell, GA, U.S.A. (2007 pop. 191)

PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:41 pm    Post subject: Re: SHOPPER Reply with quote

Yep, I would suggest that Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
But that is a great one. Only a drunk would have enough liquid fortitude to say that to a womans face regardless of her looks.

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Safe shooting,
Chris Young, aka: popgun, Moderator
I don't know everything but I have made most of the mistakes already and lived through many of them.
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