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Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2423
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 3:07 am    Post subject: cats Reply with quote

Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.”

And God said, “I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal.

And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said, ” I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.”

And God said, “I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn’t give a crap one way or the other.

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Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Suzanne
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PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 6:06 am    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

Ain't it true!



Suz

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
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PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 8:30 am    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

I have been told that DOG serves man and man serves CAT. To CAT we are "staff".

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
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Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 4:35 pm    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

I don't know... I have taught two cats to sit, roll over and lie down on command. You just have to use a different thought pattern with cats than with dogs - that and remember that the cat is not really there to please anyone but themselves - kind of like an addict.

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radar
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Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1108
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 5:55 pm    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

What were your cats addicted to Paul….I'm interested ….

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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
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Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 1:26 am    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

Didnt happen without video Paul........
I'd be interested as well, all I get is a distainful stare at anytime except meal time.

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Pete

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13928
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 5:06 am    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

Bushy got it in one...cats don't have owners, they have staff.

When. Cat is licking you it isn't showing affection...it is tasting you for future reference.

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1899
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 7:26 am    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

Cat is licking you it isn't showing affection...it is tasting you for future reference

HEHAW

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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
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PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 2:05 pm    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

Cat? where? Blooompfht!!

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gelandangan.weebly.com/
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DallanC
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Joined: Jan 18, 2005
Posts: 3235
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 2:27 pm    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

Here's a cat I wouldn't mind:

www.youtube.com/embed/...r_embedded


-DallanC
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
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Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 2:36 pm    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

Just saw this on the morning news, very unusual cat behaviour, but well done that cat.
The dog needs a bullet.

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Pete

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DallanC
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Location: Utah

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 2:41 pm    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

I had a cat growing up, MEAN ole Tom, he was kindof the same way. Didn't allow any dogs on "his" turf. He was all torn up by the end of his life, ears shredded, scars all over. Mean SOB for sure.


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gelandangan
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Posts: 5941
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 3:14 pm    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

Well Ok, thats an exception.. I may even tolerate that cat..

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A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
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PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 4:28 pm    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

Now that's a cat

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Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
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Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 6:16 pm    Post subject: Re: cats Reply with quote

That was cool, wouldn't it be interesting to see a close-up in slow motion of the cat and dog, just to see where the cat actually contacted, because that dog really scooted.

Suz

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