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The thermometer
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1520
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2011 7:43 pm    Post subject: The thermometer Reply with quote

When you have an


'I Hate My Job day'


[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]

Try this
out:

Stop at your pharmacy


and
go to the thermometer section and

purchase
a rectal thermometer made

by
Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this
brand.

When
you get home, lock your doors,

draw
the curtains and disconnect the phone
so
you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit
in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the
thermometer.

Now,
carefully place it on a table or a surface
so
that it will not become chipped or broken.




Now
the fun part begins.

Take
out the literature from the box and read it
carefully.

You
will notice that in small print there is a
statement:


"Every
Rectal
Thermometer
made by Johnson & Johnson
is
personally tested

and then
sanitized."
Now,
close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,' I am so glad I do not work in
the thermometer quality control department at

Johnson
& Johnson.'


HAVE
A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE
OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!



Remember,
if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your
heart....

Maybe
you should go and work for Johnson and Johnson!




Enjoy life now - It has an expiration date!

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6867
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:14 pm    Post subject: Re: The thermometer Reply with quote

driving a truck just started to look a whole lot nicer...
thankyou for the chuckle.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 6958
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:52 am    Post subject: Re: The thermometer Reply with quote

Tremblay, thanks for the morning chuckle to start the day!

Elvis, you have a picture window as part of your "office". I always thought that is a great benefit!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2985
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 5:04 am    Post subject: Re: The thermometer Reply with quote

Good one Tremblay!

_________________
Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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RePete
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 762

PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 8:55 am    Post subject: Re: The thermometer Reply with quote

Ouch!

_________________
Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.

Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6867
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:17 pm    Post subject: Re: The thermometer Reply with quote

slimjim its nice apart from when you work by your hunting area and cant get a day of Mad f... Im off for a hunt on Saturday Very Happy

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12960
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:32 pm    Post subject: Re: The thermometer Reply with quote

I'm a bit curious about how they staff this department at Johnson & Johnson.

"Attention Staff Members...it's time for the daily draw to see who is "assisting" in the rectal thermometer testing facility. Those whose names are drawn will report to the facility manager who will assign you a position on the Bend Over Rack. Thank you. First name out is..."
scared scared wtf wtf burr burr Laughing Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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1895ss
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
Location: West of Here!!

PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:36 pm    Post subject: Re: The thermometer Reply with quote

Vince wrote:
I'm a bit curious about how they staff this department at Johnson & Johnson.

"Attention Staff Members...it's time for the daily draw to see who is "assisting" in the rectal thermometer testing facility. Those whose names are drawn will report to the facility manager who will assign you a position on the Bend Over Rack. Thank you. First name out is..."
scared scared wtf wtf burr burr Laughing Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

First name out is.. "Vince" Shocked scared scared scared Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

_________________
A cruel truth is much more desirable than a really nice lie.
'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12960
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 12:39 am    Post subject: Re: The thermometer Reply with quote

1895ss wrote:
Vince wrote:
I'm a bit curious about how they staff this department at Johnson & Johnson.

"Attention Staff Members...it's time for the daily draw to see who is "assisting" in the rectal thermometer testing facility. Those whose names are drawn will report to the facility manager who will assign you a position on the Bend Over Rack. Thank you. First name out is..."
scared scared wtf wtf burr burr Laughing Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

First name out is.. "Vince" Shocked scared scared scared Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

DOH scared Hiding scared Hiding

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2233
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:41 am    Post subject: Re: The thermometer Reply with quote

The only real worry would be the 2 hands on the sholders.

How do you spell

ARMAGEDDON!!!!!!!!!

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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