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after vince's bad joke crown......
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
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Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 2:46 am    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

GROOOOAN!!!

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Elvis
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Posts: 6973
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 2:46 am    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

ok ok ok alright a joke with a hunting theme.



what do you call a deer with no eyes???



a no idea






how about a deer with no eyes and no legs????






a still no idea.....

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Ominivision1
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 3:06 am    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

Faint

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:20 am    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?












Bob

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Elvis
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 1:36 pm    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

ok dhc4ever you started this one...
a Irishman with no hair?
SEAN
an Irishman with a spade?
DOUG
An Irishman without a spade?
Douglas
An Irishman holding a rabbit in each hand?
Warren
An Irishman standing in a pile of leaves?
Russel
and finally one for Suz
what do you call an Irishman with a short whizzer?





Justin....

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English Mike
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 3:27 pm    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

What do you call...

....a woman who sets fire to her credit card bill?

Bernadette.


.....a man wearing a raincoat?

Mac


.....a man wearing two raincoats?

Max


.....a man wearing two raincoats & standing in a cemetery?

Max Bygraves (that's another one the Cousins will miss....).
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English Mike
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 3:31 pm    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

Two snowmen are standing in a field- one turns to the other and says "can you smell carrots?"



Last night I dreamed somebody was shouting "on your marks get set go" at me & I woke up with a start!
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Vince
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 11:15 pm    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

Pomgolia Mike wrote:
...Two snowmen are standing in a field- one turns to the other and says "can you smell carrots?"

Mike that is too good to be a sick joke mate...it's brilliant. Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing Laughing

and now...one for a giggle...

The Archbishop of Canterbury
and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness
announced today that the climate in the UK
should no longer be referred to as ‘British Weather’

Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as:

'Muslim Weather'
*
*
*
*
( Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite )

Cheers, Vince

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(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 11:20 pm    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

hemeroids are just a bloody pain in the arse.

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dhc4ever
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 11:36 pm    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
hemeroids are just a bloody pain in the arse.

Spell that phonically in kiwi you get;

Himeroids are just a bloody pain in the arse.

Which would be correct, never let a "him" near your arse Shocked

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Pete

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Vince
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 11:40 pm    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

Before we degenerate too far...I'll pop in another giggle.

The Outhouse

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out,
"Pa ! You need to go out and fix the outhouse !"

Pa replies,
"There ain't nuthin' wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back,
"Yes there is ,now git out there and fix it."

So Pa moseys out to the outhouse,looks around and yells back,
"Ma ! There ain't nuthin' wrong with the outhouse !"

"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole !"

wtf Pa yells back,
"I ain't stickin' my head in that hole !"

"Ma says,
"Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around Confused and yells back,
"Ma ! There ain't nuthin' wrong with this outhouse !"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole !"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, Shocked Shocked
"Ma ! Help ! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat !" Shocked Shocked

To which Ma replies,
"Hurts, don't it ?!" Embarassed Crying or Very sad Evil or Very Mad Crying or Very sad Evil or Very Mad

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 1:10 am    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

ouch...
the IRA had to stop thier members from trying to blow up cars.


too many were burning thier lips on the exhaust pipes.

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camel
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Joined: May 30, 2011
Posts: 129
Location: Hillston Nsw Australia

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 1:52 am    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

What do you call a woman with one leg????



Eilene



What do you call a woman with no legs????



Noelene

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Elvis
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Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 2:42 am    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

what do you call an owl with 1 leg longer than the other 1 wing shorter than the other 1 eye larger than the other?
(you have to use a maori accent and string it together)
Noteven Al

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English Mike
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Joined: Jan 08, 2007
Posts: 1129
Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 12:38 pm    Post subject: Re: after vince's bad joke crown...... Reply with quote

Vince wrote:
Pomgolia Mike wrote:
...Two snowmen are standing in a field- one turns to the other and says "can you smell carrots?"

Mike that is too good to be a sick joke mate...it's brilliant. Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing Laughing

and now...one for a giggle...

The Archbishop of Canterbury
and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness
announced today that the climate in the UK
should no longer be referred to as ‘British Weather’

Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as:

'Muslim Weather'
*
*
*
*
( Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite )

Cheers, Vince

Good one matey. Very Happy


"If Dorothy found herself surrounded by those with no hearts, no brains and no courage, she wouldn’t be in Oz, she’d be in Congress."
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