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You know you're Australian if ...
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2331
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:04 am    Post subject: You know you're Australian if ... Reply with quote

You know you're Australian if ...





* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

* You think it's normal to have a leader called Julia.


* You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

* You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.

* You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

* You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.
You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional.

* You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'

* You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

* You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.

* You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

* You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

* You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

* You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.

* You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread. You've also squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.

* You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

* Beetroot with your Hamburger... Of course.

* You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'
And "Living next door to Alice".

* You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

* You wear ugg boots outside the house.

* You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

* You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

* Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

* You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude,
While 'scuse me' is always polite.

* You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

* You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.

* Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

* You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.

* You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.

* When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

* You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in
-o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc.

* You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere...no matter where you actually are.

* You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like bleep . But we let the world think we do. Because we can.

* You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.

* You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet
- to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you REALLY mean it.

* You know that the barbecue is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man.
And the women make the Salad.

* You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.

* You understand what no wucking furries means.

* You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.

* You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.

* You know that roo meat tastes pretty good, But not as good as barra. Or a meat pie.

* You know that some people pronounce
Australia like "Straya" and that's ok

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5830
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 3:04 pm    Post subject: Re: You know you're Australian if ... Reply with quote

You can have both male and female mate at the same time
and Never Never is not a denial..

Thats a bloody rippa of a list!! thanks mate!

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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tikkat3
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 30, 2006
Posts: 709

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 4:14 pm    Post subject: Re: You know you're Australian if ... Reply with quote

I disagree with the third last item.
There is only one.
And its the 'bluey'
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7345
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 9:47 pm    Post subject: Re: You know you're Australian if ... Reply with quote

most kiwis can relate to most of those (just dont let those plurry aussies know it)

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13468
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 10:21 pm    Post subject: Re: You know you're Australian if ... Reply with quote

Brilliant list mate...now...how long before the questions start coming in...What does **** mean. Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing

I agree Tiks...although a formal Bonds Chesty can be white.

Cheers, Vince

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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radar
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1101
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 4:59 pm    Post subject: Re: You know you're Australian if ... Reply with quote

The only comment I can add to that is "Yeah-nah" the classic answer to most double ended question, the rest are easily and often used by kiwis except - Useless bloody mongrel rugby players which can only refer to the Aussie National Team.

(sheesh I hope I don't have to eat my words at the end of the Rugby World Cup)

LOL

Radar

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