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Love the IrishJokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15701 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
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Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:44 pm Post subject: Love the Irish |
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Love the Irish
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
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Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.
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Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
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Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For gods sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"
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An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
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Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks.
"Hangin’ meself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I tried dat" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".
.. ……………….
An American tourist asks an Irish dive master:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies:
"If they fell forwards, they'd still be in da boat."
Cheers, Vince
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
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Elvis Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008 Posts: 9239 Location: south island New Zealand
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Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 9:20 pm Post subject: Re: Love the Irish |
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thanks for the chuckle matey I work with a few Irish guys so its an extra good chuckle for me.
_________________ You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
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cbsweeney Member
Joined: Jun 18, 2010 Posts: 197 Location: New York
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Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 8:00 am Post subject: Re: Love the Irish |
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I just love it! I gotta copy this and send it to my Brother.
_________________ Give a man a fish, and he will eat today. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. |
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