A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it
on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector
went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah,
well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife
says "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The
officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk
to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's been drinking."
A hunter walking through the jungle was surprised to find a pigmy standing beside a very large dead lion. Amazed, he asked,'Did you kill that?'
The pigmy answered,'Yes.'
The hunter then asked,'How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that?'
Said the pigmy,'I killed it with my club.'
The astonished hunter asked,'How big is your club?'
The pigmy replied,'There's about 100 of us.'
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.