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Smile fo me
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 8:19 am    Post subject: Smile fo me Reply with quote

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it
on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector
went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah,
well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife
says "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The
officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk
to you this way, Ma'am?"


"Only when he's been drinking."


A hunter walking through the jungle was surprised to find a pigmy standing beside a very large dead lion. Amazed, he asked,'Did you kill that?'
The pigmy answered,'Yes.'
The hunter then asked,'How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that?'
Said the pigmy,'I killed it with my club.'
The astonished hunter asked,'How big is your club?'
The pigmy replied,'There's about 100 of us.'

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May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Ominivision1
Super Member
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 8:55 am    Post subject: Re: Smile fo me Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha


That first joke almost had me pimp. Smile

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7931
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 1:21 pm    Post subject: Re: Smile fo me Reply with quote

Thanks for the laugh today, Suz!

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"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7982
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 2:04 pm    Post subject: Re: Smile fo me Reply with quote

very good Suz ta for the chuckle.

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14125
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 9:25 pm    Post subject: Re: Smile fo me Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

Cheers, Vince

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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camel
Member
Member


Joined: May 30, 2011
Posts: 129
Location: Hillston Nsw Australia

PostPosted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 1:09 am    Post subject: Re: Smile fo me Reply with quote

Whaaa whaaa whaaa. Thats camel lingo for ha ha ha

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Opinions are like rear ends, every one has got one.
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