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Adult Truths
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7471
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 12:28 pm    Post subject: Adult Truths Reply with quote

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure
I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I
did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever..

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous
recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered.

25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and
the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies quit Laughing!


Heal the past, live the present, dream the future. Enjoy life!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7394
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 1:14 pm    Post subject: Re: Adult Truths Reply with quote

so plurry true
I dont know where you find them but keep em coming.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 1:29 pm    Post subject: Re: Adult Truths Reply with quote

Holy crap slim...ya summed up my life in 25 easy steps.
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Pumpkinslinger
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 4463
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 2:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Adult Truths Reply with quote

I particularly like #3!

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Mike

"I ain't no better than anyone else, and there ain't no one better than me!" Ma Kettle

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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5837
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 2:39 pm    Post subject: Re: Adult Truths Reply with quote

Just found out that learning curve about women is a circle.
the point you thought you've figure it all out, you'll need to start again.

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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1895ss
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
Location: Not Here...!!

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Adult Truths Reply with quote

gelandangan wrote:
Just found out that learning curve about women is a circle.
the point you thought you've figure it all out, you'll need to start again.

Isn't that the truth ....... Sad


I like #12. I mean how many times must one update his movie library ...??? Shocked

_________________
A cruel truth is much more desirable than a really nice lie.
'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:32 pm    Post subject: Re: Adult Truths Reply with quote

gelandangan wrote:
Just found out that learning curve about women is a circle. the point you thought you've figure it all out, you'll need to start again.

Boy gelandangan, you nailed that one Smile

_________________
Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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cbsweeney
Member
Member


Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 197
Location: New York

PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2011 5:53 am    Post subject: Re: Adult Truths Reply with quote

Good Job slimjim. I can agree with all of them!

_________________
Give a man a fish, and he will eat today. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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