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A couple of quick ones
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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radar
Super Member
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Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1108
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:46 pm    Post subject: A couple of quick ones Reply with quote

Subject: Have a laugh



One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'

So he tied her up and went golfing.

*****************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

*************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

***********************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something.
We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.'

'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.

********************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

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People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

George Orwell
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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 6:04 pm    Post subject: Re: A couple of quick ones Reply with quote

The first one and the Mother Superior one
are the bomb!

Suz

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May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7673
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:48 pm    Post subject: Re: A couple of quick ones Reply with quote

The husband is in trouble on that last one.

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7617
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 10:49 pm    Post subject: Re: A couple of quick ones Reply with quote

with the first n last I think a quick one may be out of the question for awhile.

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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RePete
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Joined: Aug 15, 2005
Posts: 815

PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 6:15 am    Post subject: Re: A couple of quick ones Reply with quote

My fav is the Nun's story.

_________________
Proud member of the WTFDTSG Club.

Stercus Accidit = Sh*t Happens in Latin.

Nice try = You Suck spelled different.
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Ominivision1
Super Member
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Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 8:44 am    Post subject: Re: A couple of quick ones Reply with quote

Elvis wrote:
with the first n last I think a quick one may be out of the question for awhile.

Without a doubt. Laughing Laughing

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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