Once upon a time, there was a sweet, cute, darling little girl named Little Red Riding Hood who was going to her grandma's house at the other end of the forest.
Along the way, she met a Big Bad Wolf who asked in a polite voice, "Little girl, where are you going on this fine day?"
"Well, actually, my ma told me not to talk to strangers," Little Red Riding Hood said. "But since you are such a nice wolf, I'll tell you. I'm going to my grandma's house at the other end of the forest."
"It's so sad, but I'm not going by that way; see you some other time!"
And with that, the sneaky, no-good, Big Bad Wolf danced away to grandma's house at the other end of the forest, chuckling to himself, "Hee hee, kids nowadays, little do they know..."
Little Red Riding Hood slowly proceeded, arriving at her grandma's house late in the afternoon. The door was ajar, and a strange, deathly silence permeated the air.
"Oh, grandma, I'm here to visit you!"
"Ooh, dearie, I'm inside sick in bed," a gruff voice replied.
Little Red Riding Hood entered the house, only to see a huge thing lying on the bed.
"Ooh, grandma, what big ears you have."
"Better to hear you with, dear... (hee, hee)"
"Oh, grandma, what big eyes you have."
"Better to see you with dear... (hee, hee)"
"Oh, grandma, what big teeth you have."
"Better to EAT YOU with..."
The Big Bad Wolf leapt hungrily out of bed, ready to pounce on poor, cute, defenseless, darling Little Red Riding Hood... only to see her pull out a .44 Magnum from under her basket and unload four rounds, point-blank, into his belly.
"Arrgh," the Big Bad Wolf cried in pain. "Kids nowadays. I should've known."