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You Gotta Love The Irish !!!
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13024
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:35 pm    Post subject: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! Reply with quote

The Errand

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.

When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me", said a customer,

who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"

"Nothin', said the Irishman,

"me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"



***********************************************

The Lost Luggage

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.

An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No," replied the Irishman.

"I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.



***********************************************

The Brothel

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said,

"Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said,

"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are falling' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said,

"What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be quite ill."

***********************************************

Lost at Sea

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter.

While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.

This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish,
not the standard three.



Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out,

"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:

"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!



Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6932
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 5:13 pm    Post subject: Re: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! Reply with quote

dont know how I didnt see these before Vince thankyou for the chuckle.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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slimjim
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7052
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 6:02 pm    Post subject: Re: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! Reply with quote

Ouch! That last one will have stovey laughing his drink out his nose again!!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Pumpkinslinger
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 4385
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:59 am    Post subject: Re: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! Reply with quote

By now I've learned NOT to have a mouth full of drink when reading Vince's jokes.

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Mike

"I ain't no better than anyone else, and there ain't no one better than me!" Ma Kettle

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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2985
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 11:56 am    Post subject: Re: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! Reply with quote

Ditto on that last one Vince. Cheers Cheers Cheers

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Regards

Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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cbsweeney
Member
Member


Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 197
Location: New York

PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 8:44 pm    Post subject: Re: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! Reply with quote

Haha Excellent!

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Give a man a fish, and he will eat today. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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