View previous topic :: View next topic |
Author |
Message |
Vince Site Admin
Joined: May 25, 2005 Posts: 15718 Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA
|
Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:35 pm Post subject: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! |
|
The Errand
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer,
who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"
"Nothin', said the Irishman,
"me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
***********************************************
The Lost Luggage
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.
An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No," replied the Irishman.
"I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
***********************************************
The Brothel
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are falling' victim to temptation."
Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said,
"What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be quite ill."
***********************************************
Lost at Sea
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish,
not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out,
"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!
Cheers, Vince
_________________ Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done) |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Elvis Super Member
Joined: Jul 27, 2008 Posts: 9256 Location: south island New Zealand
|
Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 5:13 pm Post subject: Re: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! |
|
dont know how I didnt see these before Vince thankyou for the chuckle.
_________________ You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers! |
|
Back to top |
|
|
slimjim Super Member
Joined: May 16, 2009 Posts: 8314 Location: Fort Worth TX
|
Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 6:02 pm Post subject: Re: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! |
|
Ouch! That last one will have stovey laughing his drink out his nose again!!
_________________ "To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Pumpkinslinger Super Member
Joined: Sep 22, 2007 Posts: 5002 Location: NC foothills
|
Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:59 am Post subject: Re: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! |
|
By now I've learned NOT to have a mouth full of drink when reading Vince's jokes.
_________________ Mike
"I ain't no better than anybody else, and there ain't nobody better than me!" Ma Kettle |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Ominivision1 Super Member
Joined: Sep 20, 2010 Posts: 2984 Location: Iowa
|
Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 11:56 am Post subject: Re: You Gotta Love The Irish !!! |
|
_________________ Regards
Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
cbsweeney Member
Joined: Jun 18, 2010 Posts: 197 Location: New York
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
|