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Being Fair
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3311
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 9:09 pm    Post subject: Being Fair Reply with quote

Just to be fair for screwing up Vince's joke I submit;

If Women Were An Element On The Periodic Table Of Elements

If women were an element on the periodic table of elements, This is what they would be.
Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo (woe is me)
Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 kg may vary from 40 – 200 kg (do the math yourself)
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas

Physical properties :
1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points

Chemical properties :
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common uses :
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

Test :
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Potential hazards :
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

Warning
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE !!!
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13495
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:41 pm    Post subject: Re: Being Fair Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha

Now ain't that the truth Suz.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 2:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Being Fair Reply with quote

Suzanne wrote:
Warning
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE !!!

This should be sign on the door to my gun safe....I can read it while I stand there pondering what else I can jamb in there that I "absolutely cannot live without".
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wiersy111
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 13, 2009
Posts: 2348
Location: Central Minnesota

PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 2:58 pm    Post subject: Re: Being Fair Reply with quote

WOW Suz that made my day!!!!!! Now the world is right.

I better get back up on the ladder before everything goes to hell.

_________________
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America " for an amount of "up to and including my life."

US ARMY RETIRED

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Being "Over the Hill" is much better then being under it!
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4877
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 3:04 pm    Post subject: Re: Being Fair Reply with quote

Dont ferget yer steak sauce....
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