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Keeping Women Happy
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13195
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:18 am    Post subject: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.







A man only needs to be:


1. a friend
2. a companion
3.. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17.. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38.. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes








HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked Very Happy Very Happy

2. Bring alcohol Cheers

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Pumpkinslinger
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 4419
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 8:00 am    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

Vince, now all us married guys know that that is baloney. You CAN'T keep a woman happy!!

_________________
Mike

"I ain't no better than anyone else, and there ain't no one better than me!" Ma Kettle

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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13195
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 8:19 am    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

No harm in tryin' Punkin. Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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SwampFox
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 15, 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: Destin, Florida

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:12 am    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

Jeez, thought you guys would have learned by now. The two magic words:

Yes Deer !

Best,
Ed

_________________
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill
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Aloysius
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2079
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:33 am    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

Swampfox, pardon me, I'm not english nor american, but is there a difference between "Deer" and "Dear"? Smile
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SwampFox
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 15, 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: Destin, Florida

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:47 am    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

Sure it is, but in speaking, the two words are pronounced exactly the same Very Happy Very Happy I just could not help myself. You have to watch me; as I might lead you astray talking about lead bullets.

Best,
Ed

_________________
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10339
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:47 am    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

Can't help it...He has hunting on his mind, not sex...



...Hi Stovey...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4809
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:52 am    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

Wave


***

Bought the Ex a bowling ball once for xmas. She didnt dig it. Dug it even less when I used it.

Got her a chainsaw for her B-day, too. Also, un-dug.

I cancelled the new shovel I ordered for our Anniversary.

No please'n some people it seems. Confused
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10339
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:58 am    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

Did you put a bright colored ribbon on those fine gifts? Bet you didn't...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4809
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 11:01 am    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

Yup-

I even put the saw in one of them dressed up foofey lunch bags with the handles and some of that fancy colored tissue scrunched up in it.

Wasn't having any part of it.

I jes don't understand wimmins. Sad
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d_hoffman
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Feb 13, 2007
Posts: 696
Location: Chillicothe, Ohio

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 11:17 am    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

SwampFox wrote:
Jeez, thought you guys would have learned by now. The two magic words:

Yes Deer !

Best,
Ed


You must also say sorry even if you've done nothing to be sorry for and don't ever forget to say "you're right" no matter who's right.

_________________
The best form of gun control...aim straight!!!
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Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3271
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 2:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

I guess you guys are starting to understand....I really don't have anything to say (strange for me)

Suz

_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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stovepipe
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 25, 2008
Posts: 4809
Location: Pine, Az.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 2:44 pm    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

Suzanne wrote:
..I really don't have anything to say (strange for me)

Suz



wtf
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10339
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 2:48 pm    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

Suzanne has nothing to say? She's a woman...She's lying... Very Happy

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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chambered221
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Aug 17, 2007
Posts: 3455
Location: Lost for good !!!

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 4:29 pm    Post subject: Re: Keeping Women Happy Reply with quote

stovepipe wrote:
wtf

Hey Stovey wtf .............that's my line/saying/expression!!! Shocked





Bushmaster wrote:
Suzanne has nothing to say? She's a woman...She's lying... Very Happy

Bushy.... Hope your ladder is close.....you might be a climbing it !!!

_________________
Ask as many people needed, sooner or later your question will be answered the way you want it answered !!!

A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government.
~George Washington
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