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Men and Women
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5911

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:03 pm    Post subject: Men and Women Reply with quote

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

  • If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
  • If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
  • When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
  • When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
  • A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
  • A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need; but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
  • A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
  • The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS
  • A woman has the last word in any argument.
  • Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
  • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
  • A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  • A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
  • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
  • A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
  • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bin, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
  • A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
  • Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
  • Women somehow deteriorate during the night. (God how true!)

OFFSPRING
  • Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
  • A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Very Happy Hiding Very Happy

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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shrpshtrjoe
Super Red Neck Member
Super Red Neck Member


Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 2954
Location: Maryland

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Men and Women Reply with quote

I can't dissagree with any of those Very Happy

Joe

_________________
"MOLON LABE"

P E T A
People Eating Tasty Animals
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TRBLSHTR
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1071
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:27 pm    Post subject: Re: Men and Women Reply with quote

Laughing OMG Dimiti-sheer genius! ROFL

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"Tolerance becomes a crime when applied to evil." Thomas Mann
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Pumpkinslinger
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 4560
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 5:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Men and Women Reply with quote

Hey, my wife not only remembers all of my mistakes, she invents new ones to cover any recent situation...

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Mike

"I ain't no better than anyone else, and there ain't no one better than me!" Ma Kettle

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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14032
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 9:59 pm    Post subject: Re: Men and Women Reply with quote

Good one 'Mitri....sounds very very familiar mate. Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5911

PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 5:55 am    Post subject: Re: Men and Women Reply with quote

It should I got it in a email from someone you may know very well. Laughing

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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pth1947
Member
Member


Joined: Aug 29, 2005
Posts: 53
Location: southern Arkansas

PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 6:22 am    Post subject: Re: Men and Women Reply with quote

been there

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Don't worry you'll never get out of this world alive
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tomlj75
Rookie Member
Rookie Member


Joined: May 07, 2009
Posts: 8
Location: IOWA

PostPosted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 2:14 am    Post subject: Re: Men and Women Reply with quote

right on the nose
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whittling
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Apr 21, 2008
Posts: 586
Location: Texas (home state is Mass)

PostPosted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 2:32 am    Post subject: Re: Men and Women Reply with quote

Very Happy ROFL

_________________
Molon labe!
Service, honor and courage, without these a warrior is nothing.
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