1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.


2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them
in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."


3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.


4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
until police showed up and grabbed him.


5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said.


6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"


7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard
King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch
without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun.
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(hellooooooo)!


8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having
a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every
maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour
of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking
someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough
topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The
engine ran fine, the out-board drive went up and down, and the
propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys
jumped in the water to check underneath He came up choking on water,
he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely
in place, was the trailer!




Cheers, Vince

Thanks for that list Vince. My favorite was the new boating experience.

Are you applying for the job on Hamilton Island, Great Barrier Reef?

Handloader wrote:

Are you applying for the job on Hamilton Island, Great Barrier Reef?

What job is that mate? I haven't been reading the Positions Vacant in the paper.

Hamilton Island is a beautiful place...for a resort island.

Cheers, Vince

They got a vacancy with $150000 salary.
The job?
Well.. fishing, surfing, snorkeling, swimming, suntanning SCUBA diving ( I run out of the "s" words) - basically you got to enjoy yourself and then write about your experience in a blog site.

A dream job really..

Count me in...what qualifications do you need...I'll get 'em...somehow.

Cheers, Vince

Heck, I would give up ranching for that job. My environmental science degree would fit right in with working aroung the barrier reef.

I supposed that being an Aussie would put you in front of the line. I knew I should have enrolled in the University of Perth's Environmental Masters Program!

Cary

Wow Vince, That is really funny, oh and I do hope you get the job.

But things in Australia must be very boring for you to be pointing out a few of the most stupid things that Americans do, and unfortunately we do a lot of really really stupid things.

Whats up in Australia, is it really that boring.

Nah, please take no offense Vince, just busting your chops a little.

It was very funny, and brings to light a very important thing to remember. Always be careful when dealing with people in the US, they can and will do the strangest things.

OntheLasGallinas wrote:

I supposed that being an Aussie would put you in front of the line. Cary

Makes no difference at all Cary...you have as much chance as the next guy.

Lester wrote:

Wow Vince, That is really funny, oh and I do hope you get the job.

No job there for me mate...don't have the qualifications, and I'm a worn out, burnt out retired soldier mate.

You Yanks are no different to anybody else in the world mate...we all have our stars and dickheads. Yeah, sure, I have seen some Yanks do some strange and/or oddball things...but no more than any other nationality. Damn, you should have seen some of the things I did as a young fella.

Nothing really boring out here mate...I just choose not to worry about reading the newpapers cause they only print the stories that are sensational and sell papers. And if the story ain't sensational enough, well... never let the truth get in the way of a good story. I'm not interested in reading only doom and gloom. I don't have a particularly high opinion of reporters...they aren't much better than lawyers.

Cheers, Vince

Vince, I'm with you on reporters and lawyers! I'm convinced that they create a number of our problems so they can profit from them. Ever read much on the Spanish-American War? I'm certainly not an expert on it but seems to me that the media created the tension so they'd have something to sell papers with.

Lawyers
Reporters
Used Car Salesmen
Politicians
Liberals

Etcetera, etcetera

Punkin wrote:

I'm certainly not an expert on it but seems to me that the media created the tension so they'd have something to sell papers with.

I don't doubt that for a minute mate. Reporters have caused more trouble than they are worth, especially for soldiers. I have no idea who the bright spark was that decided it would be a good idea to embed reporters into military units, but they have created more angst for commanders than you could ever imagine...and the soldiers are expected to protect these morons as well. Leave 'em for the enemy I say.

Cheers, Vince

Freedom of the press is a great idea, and long as their not taking sides, and report faithfully both side of an issue or event.

But, that is not what happens today with the liberal media, they have an agenda. Further they are scared little castrated puppies, and are afraid that if they speak the truth about a particular religion, they will be killed. It OK the to slap down people who don't slap back, but one should be cautioned that at some point even Good Christians will fight back.

But alas, faithfulness in reporting does not sell papers, that's OK the inter net has them on the run, but they will get worse before they are all out of business. Got to stoke them fires of hate, don't cha know.

That's why it's OK to fire rockets indiscriminately, but no fair to fight back.

Sorry, this is the humor section and I am way off track, although it is very funny to watch them.

Vince,

Are you trying to say something?? 4 of 8 moron incidents were in California!! Now the US has 270 million people that live outside of CA and it seems they are not getting a proper amount of representation. Not to mention the rest of the world. C'mon mate, spread the wealth around. There's lots of morons everywhere.

A17Shooter

I'm not buying into that one A17....too contentious.

Cheers, Vince