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World History and evolution of Conservatives and Liberals
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13370
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 6:21 pm    Post subject: World History and evolution of Conservatives and Liberals Reply with quote

For those that don't know about history...... here is a condensed version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and

2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbeques and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some note worthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history....... It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off....

So...are you a Conservative or a Liberal ????

Cheers, Vince

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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atrox
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Joined: Jun 05, 2008
Posts: 46
Location: Tucson, AZ

PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 10:53 pm    Post subject: Re: World History and evolution of Conservatives and Liberals Reply with quote

I definitely had a chuckle about this one. Its so true. But I like sushi, so does that make me a lib?
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A17Shooter
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Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 323
Location: California Foothills (Gold Country)

PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:16 am    Post subject: Re: World History and evolution of Conservatives and Liberals Reply with quote

Convert to sashimi. You can always eat the rice later if there isn't enough sashimi. Don't forget the sake!

Smile

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13370
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:18 am    Post subject: Re: World History and evolution of Conservatives and Liberals Reply with quote

Careful atrox....you are approaching the line mate. Very Happy Laughing

Cheers, Vince

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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dust54
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Joined: Mar 31, 2006
Posts: 179
Location: Gurley, AL

PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 3:57 am    Post subject: Re: World History and evolution of Conservatives and Liberals Reply with quote

I sent this one to all in my email list!!! Loved it!! Chuckled throughout the read.

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"The operations of the federal government will be most extensive and important in times of war and danger; those of the State governments, in times of peace and security."

-- James Madison (Federalist No. 45, 1788)
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shrpshtrjoe
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Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 2955
Location: Maryland

PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 12:48 pm    Post subject: Re: World History and evolution of Conservatives and Liberal Reply with quote

ROFL LMAO thats funny Vince.
Joe

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OntheLasGallinas
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Joined: Aug 23, 2007
Posts: 1042
Location: South Texas

PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 1:40 pm    Post subject: Re: World History and evolution of Conservatives and Liberal Reply with quote

Great one Vince.

You can add fried baloney and included it in the cave man food list. My wife travels a lot for her job and she accuses me of regressing into a cave dweller when she's gone. I'm just trying to figure out how she knew. Surely it couldn't be that the house looks and smells like a cave man or a boar hog had moved in. Very Happy

I passed it on to a select few in my office and my wife. The one or two others might start whimpering if I send this to them.

Cary

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