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You Might Be A Gun Nut If
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Joined: Dec 13, 2006
Posts: 67
Location: Baraboo, WI

PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 5:29 pm    Post subject: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

This circulated around awhile ago, I didn't see it here so I figuired I'd share it wit ya. laupg at yourself, why let everyone else have all of the fun.

-If You've ever dabbed a little Hoppe's on your neck before going on a date...
-If you bought checkering tools, checkered all your gunstocks and are now starting on the bedposts...
-If you cannot really recall just how many guns you own...
-Surplus ammunition suppliers call you to see if there was anything you were looking for...
-If you bought a gun from a gunshop, only to realize you used to own it years ago...
-If you've ever shot out a 1911 barrel.........
-If you save brass and have a case tumbler, but don't reload...
-If you ever stripped the paint off of your car and then blued it
-If you've ever bought ammo for a caliber you didn,t shoot, thinking that someday you might own a gun in that caliber...
-If your computer passwords are gun related...
-If your five-year-old can detail strip and fully reassemble an M-1 Garand............
-If you take your guns out of the safe and handle them, just so you can wipe them down before going to bed...
-If your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts...
-If you home-school and use ballistic tables for math lessons...
-If your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator...
-If the speedometer on your car is in both m.p.h. and fps...
-If you call Brownells and they recognize your voice...
-If you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot...
-If you understand Smith and Wesson's model numbers...
-If you ever bought two different brands of the same bullet just to see which one "shot better"...
-If you've ever had to explain "that it's not the same gun it's a variant!"...
-If watching the Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro...
-If you cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like photos...
-If you've ever gone to a gun show three times in one month, and were excited every time...
-If you feel that a golf course is a willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range...
-If you ever accidentally seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder...
-If your brass tumbler used to be a small cement mixers.
-If you identify the gun on the cover of Dillon's Blue Press before you notice the girl...
-If you make $30/hr at work and spent 35 min- on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 brass...
-If you have guns in your safes that you can't for the life of you remember how you came by...
-If the FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't...
-If ammo manufacturers had to layoff workers when you went to Europe for a month's vacation...
-If you know the range of every tree in the neighborhood...
-if you can tell the caliber of any spent casing just by feel...
-If you plead with the gun shop to hold a rifle/shotgun until you have space for it...
-If you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you say "Bushmaster"...
-If you didn't get that last one because you don't have any "non-shooting" friends...
-If you driver's license says "must wear night vision goggles."
-If your shoulder is callused...
-If manufactures ask you how their rifles hold up.
-If you get misty eyed evey time you sell a gun..
-If you alternate Silvertips, Hydra-Shoks and Black Talons in your magazines because they look prettier that way..........
-If you guess windage and range every time you look at a road sign...
-If you went out to the range this weekend to shoot up ammo, just so you'd have some brass to reload...
-RCBS answers your phone calls, "What have YOU dreamed up this time?"..............
-if you can name the parts of your post-ban rifle you had to (or want to) swap out to make a legal semi auto AW
-if someone asks about the president and you think they're talking about charlton heston
-if you know the model numbers of your glocks, how many and what size mags you have, and which are loaded, but have no idea when your anniversary is.
-if you've ever had to explain why you need armor piercing rounds to someone
-if you don't know that there is a difference between "the Internet" and "Glock Talk"
-if you have ever run out of gas in your car, but have never run out of ammo before
-if you know the serial numbers of your guns, but still get your kids' names mixed up.
-if you hold a firearms related record in Guiness book of world records.
-if you go to gun shows with a grocery buggy (painted camo of course)
-if you had to explain to someone what a "SHTF scenerio" is
-if the National Guard calls you when things get a little too hot
-if you had a gun rack on your bike when you were a kid
-if you know why 30-06 is pronounced "thirty alt six"
-if you buy all of your clothes at wal-mart but own some of the most expensive holsters known to man
-if your name is on California's AW ban
-if you walk up on a conversation about horses and as soon as you hear "colt", you are immediately interested.
-if your favorite saint is John Moses Browning.
-if your favorite paint color is "gun metal grey".
-if you break off on a dissertation on how badly congress screwed Bill Ruger.
-if you anticipate another shooting session AS you are putting your guns away at the range.
-if you look at Shotgun News the way teenagers look at playboy
-if every street sign within 5 miles of your house looks like it came from chechnya
-if you went to college, but owned more gun manuals than text books
-if the national guard armory has your phone number on "call block" because you keep making bids on their WWII artillary piece sitting out front
-if you carry a backup gun in case the backup for your backup fails.
-if you carry concealed at the beach
-if third world arms dealers consider you to be the largest gun runner in the world (but you keep all the stuff for yourself)
-if you were arrested/questioned about the sniper shootings
-if you've filled out more "yellow forms" than income tax forms
-if you have your own VIP parking spot at gun shows.
-if you hear someone say "it's about 9:45" and you think to yourself "good grief, the 9mm/.45 debate will never end!"
-if you sit through a violent movie and aren't bothered by gorey violence, but flinch when someone drops a firearm (might scratch it)
-if the above has ever brought tears to your eyes
-if you have been banned from a movie theater because you always stand up in the middle of the movie and tell everyone you can't fire 30 rounds from a revolver without reloading.
-if you ever took apart your Nintendo zapper and installed custom trigger,laser sight, scope, etc. for Duck Hunt
-if you have more firearms than friends
-if you have insurance covering your guns, but not you
-if hillary clinton makes your skin crawl.
-if you slide your paddle holster on to check your mail.
-if you slide your paddle holster on to take out the garbage.
-if you find yourself rapidly disassembling/re-assembling your the dark.....on the toilet.
-if you drive to work with a $1500 Kimber in a $500 pick-up.
-if you've spent more than twenty minutes writing "you might be a gun nut if's.
-if your guns are named names usually reserved for people
-if you designed your own caliber and built a firearm to fire it
-if you grew up with loaded guns all around you, but it never crossed your mind to shoot up your school.
-if you've read the Constitution
-if you know the second amendment by heart
-if you know the second amendment translated into more than 3 laguages
-if you used to have a hill as a backstop, but now it has become a 30 foot high mound of pure lead.
-if you make your own reloading tools
-if you make your own powder
-if you don't label your reloading powder, because you can hear the difference when shaking the can
-if you have ever read an article in the crime section of the newspaper and read "the suspect had over 200 rounds of ammunition", then assumed it was a misprint. who in his right mind would get down to only 200 rounds???
-if your CCW is a shotgun
-if your CCW is a .50
-if your CCW is a LAW
- if you find yourself doing trigger and muzzle control on the bottle of your wife's glass cleaner
- if your girlfriend/wife is jealous of the time you spend with your guns
- if your wishlist on midwayusa totals up to the price of a new car
- if that new car would be a bentley
- if your already thinking about your next gun while your filling out the paperwork on the one you're buying.
- if the guys at the local gun shop send you a christmas card
- if you own a guns you haven't shot yet
- if you have a room in your house dedicated to guns
- if when someone says "but what if you don't have a gun with you?" and after 15 minutes you still can comprehend how that would be possible.
- if the sound of full auto gun fire makes you feel all warm and fuzzy
-if you shook the presents under your tree, and one fired a round out of it.
-if you've spent more money at Midway USA, Brownell's, and Cabela's than the companies are worth.
-if your will specifies your favorite firearm(s) to be buried with you.
-if the glock talk logo is burned into your monitor.
-if you have had a friend who thought knives were soooo cool and dangerous, then you showed him your AK-47 collection
-if you wonder why you must renew your CCW license every year, but your marriage license won't expire.
-if someone asks how many guns you have, and the answer begins with "about" (i.e. "about 50 or so").
-if you took an ink blot test, and your answers were things like "an AR-15 sear", "bolt release from ruger 10-22", "firing pin from M1911", etc.
-if you know you carry 45 caliber 230 grain full metal jacketed hydra-shock hollow points from Federal, but don't know the color of your wife's eyes.
-if you have ever shot a hole in something on accident
-if that something was your TV during a Bush/Gore debate
-if you buy Hoppe's solvent in 50 gallon drums because your howitzer "likes" it
-if the gun show owners let you in free.
-if you named a dog after a gun.
-if you name your kids after your guns.
-if you time yourself each time you fill out one of those yellow forms, and you're down to a minute flat.
-if NICS put your favorite gun dealer on call block.
-if you're only dating/marrying a girl so you can shoot her gun collection.
-if the wallpaper on your desktop is firearm related
-if the wallpaper in a room of your house is firearm related
-if you have no wallpaper or house, but live in a dug-out underground bunker to keep your guns safe
-if CNN does a report on gun control and shows a table of guns from a gun show, and one of them has your name engraved on the side.
-if you carry pictures of your guns in your wallet
-if you ever heard gun shots outside your house late at night, but fell into a state of sheer panic because you couldn't decide which gun to grab.
-if your favorites in the computer only have one folder, "guns."
-when your wife have .357 sig brass as earings
-at the tupperware party you show them your Glock
-your gold tooth is made of melted brass
-you get arrested for possesion of a gram of black powder
-your kids have Glock as middle names
-your kids bike is on a bipod
-you go out with bird watchers with a 3-9 scope
-your walkman is made by Peltor
-your kids vocabulary consists; ballistics, trajectory, clusters, magnums, parallax
-Your wife loves to shop at Glockstore, Glockmeister, Topglock etc.
-You shower the bride and groom with brass
-You double tap when knocking on doors
-You get excited when you see the Target store logo
-You buy your kids a book each and buy yourself five gun magazines
-Your tennis attire has Glock logos
-Your Golf bag has a gun compartment
-You lubricate your kid's bikes with Hoppe's
-Your banana holds 40 rounds
-Your car is coated with tennifer
-You light your charcoal with gun powder
-Your kids would rather go to a gun show than Kings Dominion or Disney World
-You are the only one with a vest without a camera
- If your apartment complex cites -you- as the reason they don't need on-site security.
- If someone you've never met comes to your door and says, "I was given your name. Can you help me while I get my stuff out of my boyfriend's/husband's apartment?"
- If the person who gave your name is a local Police Officer.
- If your local Police Department makes a point of calling you at home to tell you about the sex-offender/felon who just moved into your area.
- If you've been in a local gun shop and had a sales clerk ask you a question about a firearm, because no one else in the shop knows the answer.
- If the above occurs so they can make a sale.
- If one of your local gun shops asks you to come work for them, because you've shown more knowledge than their employees.
- If the above occurs at a shop you don't normally frequent.
- If your local Police Department asks you what you think about the new handgun they're thinking about issuing.
- If you've ever been asked by your local Police Department to bring in one or more of your weapons for them to show off, because they're "Better than this crap we're carrying."
- If you've ever gotten out of a ticket by offering to take the Officer shooting.
- If you've ever been pulled over by a Police Officer so she can ask you to take her shooting.
- If you've ever been pulled over by a local Police Department just so they can ask you a question about one of your weapons, or your ammunition.
- If you've ever had people fly into the state, or country, just to fire some of your weapons.
- If you've ever talked about your latest acquisition and heard the words, "How the hell'd you get your hands on that?"
- If your name has ever been given to a new recruit at your local Police Department along with the words, "Don't bother asking, he's going to have a gun on him somewhere."
- If your boss has ever given you a box of ammunition as a reward for a 'Job Well Done', and you don't work in a firearms friendly place.
- If you've ever taken the day off work to go shooting, hunting, to the smith, or to purchase a new handgun, and yet you refuse to call in sick.
- If your primary requirement for a soft-side briefcase, for work, is how well it can carry one of your preferred sidearms

"There, now it's better than new." - Harley Smith

"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." - Sigmund Freud

" I am not trying to be better than you... I'm not even trying to be Holier than you... I'm trying to be better and Holier than I was yesterday!" - jbird22cal
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Joined: Mar 20, 2007
Posts: 691
Location: Deep in the mountains of Montana

PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 6:36 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

You might be a gun nut if you read this WHOLE thing without skipping to the end real quick.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 6:44 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

Well I agree with some of thouse points. Very Happy


A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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Joined: Feb 10, 2007
Posts: 379
Location: Michigan

PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:56 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

keetoowah wrote:
You might be a gun nut if you read this WHOLE thing without skipping to the end real quick.

Embarassed Caught me!!! I can relate to a few of them Very Happy Laughing Cool

I make mistakes like the next man. In fact, rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly larger.
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:04 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

If watching the Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro...

If your apartment complex cites -you- as the reason they don't need on-site security.

Laughing ..... Perfect!!!
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Posts: 99
Location: Elizabethtown, KY

PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 2:22 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

Some fit for sure.
Did read them all no skipping.

"You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence"
-Abe Lincoln
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 4:10 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

There's so many that apply, I guess it's safe to say that I'm a "gun nut". Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

"Quote" -if you sit through a violent movie and aren't bothered by gorey violence, but flinch when someone drops a firearm (might scratch it)

A cruel truth is much more desirable than a really nice lie.
'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 4:53 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

Who me ?????? Insane Nuts Misc Shooting Pistol Shooting Sniper Flag Cheers There are so many that fit, where do I start.

The best form of gun control...aim straight!!!
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 4:56 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

I might be guilty of one or two or a dozen or so of those Very Happy


People Eating Tasty Animals
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 6:38 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

They forgot the one about showering with your 1911 (stainless of course)

Got a friend that does this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

His neighborhood...............................................

Ask as many people needed, sooner or later your question will be answered the way you want it answered !!!

A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government.
~George Washington
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Location: east texas ,lake of the pines

PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 6:42 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

nuff said fer a redneck , Very Happy Smile
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 8:16 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

Hay now I only yelled at the movie because the gun they used was the wrong kind.

And they forgot 2 of them.
- If you realized that you might have to move because management added an addendum saying no guns or explosives
- If when the SWAT team is at the neighbors you want to loan them better guns, ammo, and scope.

Don't whine how bad your country is until you live in another.
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Location: California Foothills (Gold Country)

PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 1:20 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

My safe is not larger than the frig. It's just close. And, I need another safe.

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 4:07 pm    Post subject: Re: You Might Be A Gun Nut If Reply with quote

Nope.. nothing fits..

of course I lied..

A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!
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