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A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen here
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13422
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:56 pm    Post subject: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen here Reply with quote

This getting old is getting old!!!!!


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it? Shocked
_________________________________

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." Laughing
_______________________________

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. Very Happy
__________________________________________________________

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees fought prostate cancer and diabetes; I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends but, thank God, I still have my driver's license. Laughing
_______________________________

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. By the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. Embarassed Confused
_______________________________

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week " Mad
____________________________________________________________

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Confused
_______________________________

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. Very Happy
_______________________________

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker. Shocked
______________________________

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief." Sad Confused
______________________________

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing. Laughing Laughing
________________________________

THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Cool
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well now, I suppose its a case of "If the shoe fits...wear it". Haha

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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SwampFox
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Joined: Jul 15, 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: Destin, Florida

PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 9:27 am    Post subject: Re: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen her Reply with quote

Shoes? What shoes.... do we wear shoes? Where are they hiding? Laughing
Ed

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The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10450
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 1:22 pm    Post subject: Re: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen here Reply with quote

Shoes? You might wear shoes SwampFox, but I wear boots (I think I do...) when I can find them or talk the wife into getting them for me. That happens a lot...Yup...Sure does.

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13422
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 5:46 pm    Post subject: Re: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen here Reply with quote

Too hot out here for boots or shoes....I wear "Japanese Riding Boots"...leather sandals.....WITHOUT sox.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5817
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 4:08 am    Post subject: Re: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen her Reply with quote

Vince wrote:

______________________________

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing. Laughing Laughing
________________________________

Lovely.. got to tell me old man that.. kewl!! Very Happy

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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SwampFox
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 15, 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: Destin, Florida

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:04 am    Post subject: Re: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen her Reply with quote

Vince, If you wore white socks and sandals we would call you a Tourist. Very Happy
Ed

_________________
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill
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Bushmaster
Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10450
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 2:16 pm    Post subject: Re: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen here Reply with quote

Bare foot and sandals. We call them hippies....With white socks...Clean hippies... ROFL

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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rdncktink
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Joined: Mar 02, 2007
Posts: 476
Location: Hwaseong, South Korea

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 8:32 pm    Post subject: Re: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen her Reply with quote

A person wearing Sandals with white socks.......I call him dad. Angel

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10450
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 9:13 pm    Post subject: Re: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen here Reply with quote

And a good daughter you are I'm sure...

Fireball 3...You wear white socks and sandals? Does your daughter know you may be a left over hippy...??? A clean one I might add...:-D

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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rdncktink
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Mar 02, 2007
Posts: 476
Location: Hwaseong, South Korea

PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:53 pm    Post subject: Re: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen her Reply with quote

Haha ROFL My father a hippy. Now that's funny. I so needed that. His idea of long hair is if the curls curl up under his hat. Health food involves meat. Nope its just the dad trying his hardest to drive his daughter nuts. Though I did discover that it's normal. On vacation in Canada it was him and about 30 other men doing the same thing.

Truly the ones around here that wear the white tube socks, shorts, and sandals are the gang bangers.

Oh ya with that long hair Sir Bushmaster are you sure your not a hippy in hidding.

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10450
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:59 am    Post subject: Re: A Little Humor at the expense of the Elder Statesmen here Reply with quote

The hair goes with my black hat, sixgun and horse...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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