Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister

User Info

Welcome Anonymous

Latest: Matt47
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 0
Overall: 12785

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 136
BOT: 0
Total: 136
Who Is Where:
01: Home
02: Forums
03: Forums
04: Forums
05: Forums
06: Home
07: Forums
08: Forums
09: Photo Albums
10: Photo Albums
11: Forums
12: Forums
13: Forums
14: Forums
15: Forums
16: Forums
17: Home
18: Forums
19: Forums
20: Home
21: Forums
22: Forums
23: Home
24: Home
25: Forums
26: Home
27: Forums
28: Home
29: Forums
30: Home
31: Forums
32: Forums
33: Forums
34: Forums
35: Forums
36: Forums
37: Home
38: Forums
39: Forums
40: Home
41: Photo Albums
42: Forums
43: Forums
44: Home
45: Home
46: Forums
47: Forums
48: Home
49: Home
50: Home
51: Home
52: Home
53: Home
54: Photo Albums
55: Forums
56: Home
57: Forums
58: Forums
59: Photo Albums
60: Photo Albums
61: Your Account
62: Your Account
63: Forums
64: Home
65: Forums
66: Forums
67: Forums
68: Home
69: Forums
70: Forums
71: Forums
72: Forums
73: Forums
74: Forums
75: Home
76: Forums
77: Forums
78: Forums
79: Forums
80: Forums
81: Forums
82: Home
83: Forums
84: Forums
85: Forums
86: Your Account
87: Home
88: Home
89: Photo Albums
90: Home
91: Home
92: Home
93: Home
94: Home
95: Home
96: Forums
97: Home
98: Forums
99: Forums
100: Forums
101: Forums
102: Home
103: Forums
104: Forums
105: Forums
106: Forums
107: Home
108: Home
109: Forums
110: PointBlank Ballistics
111: Home
112: Forums
113: Photo Albums
114: Forums
115: Forums
116: Home
117: Forums
118: Forums
119: Forums
120: Photo Albums
121: Home
122: Forums
123: Photo Albums
124: Photo Albums
125: Home
126: Forums
127: Forums
128: Forums
129: Home
130: Forums
131: Photo Albums
132: Home
133: Home
134: Forums
135: Forums
136: Forums

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 307
 Pictures: 2392
  · Views: 621987
  · Votes: 1312
  · Comments: 86

Support our Advertisers

Pre Nuptial
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Super Member
Super Member

Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6060
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 1:57 am    Post subject: Pre Nuptial Reply with quote

Whereas, the aggrieved party (husband) and the aggrieving party (wife) have been involved in a long standing dispute, and whereas we’re tired of arguing over this stuff all the time, and whereas if you’d just listen to me you’d see that I’m right,

Therefore come the parties together in a post-nuptial agreement, which I expect you to sign and then there’s no need for further discussion.

Clause One: Whereas, there is one correct way to arrange the furniture in the living room, and whereas the husband’s back is still sore from last weekend when, after moving the chair into the corner for about half an hour, the wife made him carry it back to where it was in the first place, it is now understood by both parties that the furniture is in the correct arrangement. There is no need ever to move it again.

Clause Two: It seems like the husband just got the Christmas decorations put up and now you want them taken down! So the wife should make up her mind. If the house looks pretty with lights on it, why not leave them up for awhile? The same is true for Halloween decorations, and no, I do not think it looks silly to have the scarecrow out there next to Santa Claus. I think it looks festive.

Clause Three: The wife shouldn’t tell the husband that she is fat and then get all upset when he suggests ways to lose weight. The husband is just trying to help, for Pete’s sake! And for the record, the husband did NOT say you were fat! YOU said you were fat. All I did was fail to disagree forcefully enough!

Clause Four: Whereas the wife already has like thirty-two thousand pairs of shoes, that’s enough. The wife should stop buying clothes for which she doesn’t have appropriate shoes.

Clause Five: The wife is allowed one “favorite part” of each movie, and that’s it. You can’t keep saying “This is my favorite part” in the same movie. And stop asking me what my favorite part is, because the answer is “none.” I wanted to watch Die Hard again!

Clause Six: Speaking of movies, for every movie with subtitles that the wife wants to see, the husband is allowed one movie in which there are car chases. And any time a man and a woman on the screen stare at each other without speaking for more than a minute because they’re in love but can’t bear to talk about it for some reason, the husband is allowed to leave the room.

Clause Seven: Whereas, the wife has made abundant and repeated reference to the supposed “proper” position of the toilet seat lid, and whereas there is no such stated position in the owner’s manual, and whereas the family dog needs to be able to get water, for crying out loud, the debate about the toilet seat lid is now over and the subject need never be mentioned again, ever.

Clause Eight: The thermostat is not a toy. The wife has lost her thermostat privileges. From now on, the thermostat will be turned up only on days when the husband is cold.

Clause Nine: The wife may not cut her hair and then wait for the husband to notice it and then get mad when he doesn’t. And THEN get mad when he doesn’t like the hair cut! Doesn’t it make sense that if I notice you got your hair cut, I’m not going to like it?

Clause Ten: It is entirely inappropriate to wake someone up to tell him he is snoring. What’s he supposed to do about it when he’s AWAKE? And there’s no concrete evidence that I snore, anyway. I think you faked that tape recording. If you believe I may be snoring, the proper action is to make sure I am entirely comfortable, and then maybe I’ll stop. Instead of digging an elbow into my ribs, try fluffing up my pillow.

Therefore, since the wife is locked in the bedroom and refuses to come out and sign this contract, it is deemed automatically in effect, so now there’s nothing more to argue about. What’s for dinner?

A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!
Back to top
View user's profile Visit poster's website

Joined: Dec 13, 2006
Posts: 67
Location: Baraboo, WI

PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 6:01 am    Post subject: Re: Pre Nuptial Reply with quote

LMAO - Good luck with that!

"There, now it's better than new." - Harley Smith

"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." - Sigmund Freud

" I am not trying to be better than you... I'm not even trying to be Holier than you... I'm trying to be better and Holier than I was yesterday!" - jbird22cal
Back to top
View user's profile Yahoo Messenger
Super Member
Super Member

Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10838
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 6:36 am    Post subject: Re: Pre Nuptial Reply with quote

I made a deal with my wife on the toilet seat...I'll put it down when I'm done if she will put it up when she's through...Haven't heard any more complaints about that damned toilet seat sense... Very Happy

I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
fireball 3
Super Member
Super Member

Joined: Jan 28, 2007
Posts: 393
Location: northern calif

PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 4:54 pm    Post subject: Re: Pre Nuptial Reply with quote

Wife says it's 2 against 1 so live with it. Guess it's the neighbors for me then. Hiding

if at first you don't succeed, take a nap, and try
tomorrow. can't hurt!
Back to top
View user's profile Yahoo Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 1
All times are GMT - 7 Hours

Jump to:  

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by Dizfunkshunal :.