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Why,Why,Why
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13133
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 11:19 pm    Post subject: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

Why, Why, Why

Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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robfromaz1977
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Joined: Aug 03, 2005
Posts: 179
Location: Arizona's White Mountains

PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 1:08 am    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

Those are great and so true.
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10301
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 12:01 pm    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

It's you, Vince...It's gotta be you...'cause it couldn't be me...Nope not me. I'm O K...Yes...I'm O K............ Very Happy

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...


Last edited by Bushmaster on Mon Jun 25, 2007 1:58 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Morax
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Joined: Dec 18, 2006
Posts: 618
Location: Pittsburgh Pa

PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 1:28 pm    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?


cause we all figure being married to the mother in law is bad enough!!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13133
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 8:56 pm    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
It's you, Vince...It's gotta be you...'cause it couldn't be me...Nope not me. I'm O K...Yes...I'm O K............ Very Happy

Me?......gotta be me??? Oh well, if it has to be someone then I 'spose I'm as good as anyone......but really, I'm OK......yep......I'm sure I'm OK....I think...well I was yesterday morning, I'm sure....I think....ummmmmm.

Got hit by a truck yesterday and there's nothing wrong wiv me....wiv me.....wiv me........wiv me.

Haha Haha Haha

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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keetoowah
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Joined: Mar 20, 2007
Posts: 691
Location: Deep in the mountains of Montana

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:29 am    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

Worship The Wave
yep its all you

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If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
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rdncktink
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Joined: Mar 02, 2007
Posts: 476
Location: Hwaseong, South Korea

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:04 am    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

Heres some more that my friends mom sent me. Some are things that I've always thought about but never said.


QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME ????

Can you cry under water?


How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?



How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?


Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.



Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?


Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!


If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



Why did you just try singing the two songs above?



Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?



How come they don't make mouse flavored cat food

what do people in china call their good dishes

How come you don't get goose bumps on your face

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Don't whine how bad your country is until you live in another.
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Bushmaster
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Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10301
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:15 am    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

You need a husband or boy friend...You have just too much time on your hands...

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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rdncktink
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Mar 02, 2007
Posts: 476
Location: Hwaseong, South Korea

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 10:35 am    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
You need a husband or boy friend...You have just too much time on your hands...
That's not nice. Sad Smile I thought of these things while I was sitting in huge lecture halls hearing the same thing that I learned in lower division.
And I have very little time left. Dealing with BBS for my mom and getting disability. There's not much to do but think when you're waiting for the government.

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Don't whine how bad your country is until you live in another.
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1895ss
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Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
Location: West of Here!!

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:37 pm    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

Vince wrote:

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Cheers, Vince

Well now what are the odds of this happening again. Here we have Bushy, Vince, Dimitri and 1895ss and look at this! Two of the four, Bushy and Vince aren't stable. Kinda throws your stats out the window Vince. Hmmmm , whoda thunk it. Nananana Laughing Laughing Laughing

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A cruel truth is much more desirable than a really nice lie.
'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13133
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 3:36 am    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

1895ss wrote:
Vince wrote:

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Cheers, Vince

Well now what are the odds of this happening again. Here we have Bushy, Vince, Dimitri and 1895ss and look at this! Two of the four, Bushy and Vince aren't stable. Kinda throws your stats out the window Vince. Hmmmm , whoda thunk it. Nananana Laughing Laughing Laughing

Nah, don't be stoopid......you fergot Tracker 'n keetoowah 'n rdncktink 'n George, 'n Gelan, 'n all the uvers. I reckon my stats are ok. All we gotta do is work out which ones a a brick short of a load, a sandwich short of a picnic or a few cents short of a dollar.
Nananana Laughing Laughing Laughing Haha Haha Haha

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Morax
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Dec 18, 2006
Posts: 618
Location: Pittsburgh Pa

PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 9:44 am    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

HEY I resemble that remark...
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10301
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:06 am    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

Found your mate in all this, Vince...Morax...Oh hi Morax...You O K today?

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13133
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 5:07 pm    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

WOOHOO...welcome to the Nut Factory Morax......we'uns is all here now.

Haha Haha Laughing Laughing

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Morax
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Dec 18, 2006
Posts: 618
Location: Pittsburgh Pa

PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 6:28 pm    Post subject: Re: Why,Why,Why Reply with quote

hahahah yeah doing good today for a no sleep night....
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