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for all those women funnies
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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keetoowah
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Joined: Mar 20, 2007
Posts: 691
Location: Deep in the mountains of Montana

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 9:02 am    Post subject: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
-----------------------------------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

have a good day boys.

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10278
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 10:34 am    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

Never met a "good chauvinist male" have you, Keetoowah..?

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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keetoowah
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Joined: Mar 20, 2007
Posts: 691
Location: Deep in the mountains of Montana

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 1:20 pm    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

worked for a sicilian for 3 years and another for 2 years denver.
they dont bother me.

they're jokes Mr Bush jokes get it??

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jeh7mmmag
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Joined: Dec 24, 2006
Posts: 219
Location: DFW, TX.

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 6:21 pm    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
----------------------------------------------- --------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Stay the course keetoowah
James

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VNE USS LEX CVT-16 BLUE GHOST V2 CATS ABE-2
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5721
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 6:42 pm    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

Haha Haha ROFL ROFL Haha Haha

Great shoot back jeh7mmmag !!! I am speechless..

Worship

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A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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d_hoffman
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Joined: Feb 13, 2007
Posts: 696
Location: Chillicothe, Ohio

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 9:24 pm    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

Hey Tracker, after reading this are you sure you know what you're getting into? scared Laughing

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tracker
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 8:14 am    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

d_hoffman wrote:
Hey Tracker, after reading this are you sure you know what you're getting into? scared Laughing

Actually, yeah I am. I love her sense of humor and I respect her right to speak for herself. Like Steve Earle said, "I got me a fearless heart" I do for her anyway Very Happy

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tracker
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 8:18 am    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

and, I liked both sets of jokes! I think that's called having a sense of humor (although there are many who would say I'm too easily amused) Very Happy Very Happy

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10278
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 8:41 am    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

Hummm....Would have had a different slant on that...But we won't voice it here... Very Happy

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 9:22 am    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

Tink, keetoowah and any other girl who visits/will see this take note this is SATIRE.

Vedio Link

Very Happy

Dimitri

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tracker
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 9:32 am    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Hummm....Would have had a different slant on that...But we won't voice it here... Very Happy

Oh no, I'm going to miss out on your opinion on something? How will I make it through the day? Haha Haha Haha

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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 9:39 am    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

Also a few more Harry Enfield Vedios:

Vedio Link - Women Keep your Virtue

Vedio Link - Women Don't Drive

Haha

Hiding

Dimitri

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rdncktink
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Joined: Mar 02, 2007
Posts: 476
Location: Hwaseong, South Korea

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 10:27 am    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

love those. Man I still know some of those women. Wait one's a friend and she proves why women shouldn't drive. Tried teaching her, bad, bad, bad thing.
Oh and here is why women can't be mechanics either.

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tracker
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Joined: Nov 08, 2006
Posts: 1175
Location: Manitoba, Canada

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 11:38 am    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

Dimitri,

Those were hilarious, thanks Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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1895ss
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Joined: Jul 21, 2005
Posts: 2613
Location: West of Here!!

PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 1:42 pm    Post subject: Re: for all those women funnies Reply with quote

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhem .......... !!!!!!! I'm speachless.. Very Happy

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'Tis far better to walk alone than to follow a crowd or an a**hole going the wrong way.
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