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Women (and office) Mathamatics.
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:44 pm    Post subject: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS


Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM bugging YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're
next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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rdncktink
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Joined: Mar 02, 2007
Posts: 476
Location: Hwaseong, South Korea

PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 3:49 pm    Post subject: Re: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

Dimitri wrote:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're
next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Yes I now know how to get my relatives to stop asking when I'm getting married. Thank you Very Happy
Also does anyone have the one about how to prove through math that women are the root of all evil? I saw it once and can't find it again.
Thanks

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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 4:07 pm    Post subject: Re: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

You mean this:

Girls take time and money so:
Girls = time * money

And Time is money so:
Time = Money

Thefore:
Girls = Money * Money or Girls = (money)^2

And since money is the root of all Evil:
Money = sqrt(Evil)

Therefor:
Girls = ( sqrt(Evil) )^2

And since the Square root and power of 2 cancel out:
Girls = Evil

I'm not much bugged to get married personally, and you know it will happen when it does, I'm not going to go look to get married, its going to happen when it does and for now I'm going to act like I don't got a care in the world. Insane

Dimitri

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rdncktink
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Joined: Mar 02, 2007
Posts: 476
Location: Hwaseong, South Korea

PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 4:27 pm    Post subject: Re: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

yup that's the one.
And my family has calmed down a lot on the getting married and having kids. Now it's more of a how's school. I've finally told them all I'm never getting married get over it.
Oh well thanks for the thingy my classmates were wanting it since I told them about it.

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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 4:28 pm    Post subject: Re: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

Why no getting married ??

Dimitri

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rdncktink
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Posts: 476
Location: Hwaseong, South Korea

PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 4:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

just doesn't matter to me. It'll happend when it does and up until now my education has ment more to me than finding a guy. With my grandmother being from the old country (Ukraine) I kept getting told I was an old maid which made it even worse. Know I just tell them I do school and it takes most of my time. Also I don't plan on having kids and well that is one of the main reasons to get married. (And I just don't want kids no special reason.)

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Dimitri
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 4:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

Ah I see. Smile

Dimitri

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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5736
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 4:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

Dimitri wrote:

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Bloody advertising!!

Should have read the fine prints before committing.

Gelan

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Do - Not try!


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Dimitri
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Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 4:46 pm    Post subject: Re: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

Now now Gelan you dont want the missus reading that. Shocked

Dimitri

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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3403
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 12:50 am    Post subject: Re: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

The only valid reason for getting married is that you can't live without the other person in your life.
The only valid reason for divorce is when you find that you get more money from Social Security if you are single. By then you can live together without believing it is in sin. Sex is just a habit by then.


The joke about Social security is real in the USA - they average the SSA of you and your spouse - it only stays the same if she never worked. If you made the same money in your working life you can get double the amount by divorcing and living together.

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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5906
Location: Southern Ontario

PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 12:51 pm    Post subject: Re: Women (and office) Mathamatics. Reply with quote

PaulS,

Didn't know that, that sounds dumb I think about SSA, should be paid out as it should no avaraging. Mind you even if a older couple got divorced to get more SSA I'm willing to bet they don't tell anyone they did that. Smile

Dimitri

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