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MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL!
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14038
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 7:02 am    Post subject: MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL! Reply with quote

Memo from Santa:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Michigan on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:

"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork skins (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips! a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I hear'd dat."

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus


Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Dimitri
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Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5911

PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 3:28 pm    Post subject: Re: MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL! Reply with quote

Haha

Dimitri

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A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
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popgun
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Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 735
Location: Mitchell, GA, U.S.A. (2007 pop. 191)

PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 12:49 pm    Post subject: Re: MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL! Reply with quote

Bubba Clause would not be caught dead a-dipin' snuff. He always has a big mouth full of Red Man. Bubba chews not dips!

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Chris Young, aka: popgun, Moderator
I don't know everything but I have made most of the mistakes already and lived through many of them.
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Bushmaster
Super Member
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10708
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 2:47 pm    Post subject: Re: MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL! Reply with quote

Hey Popgun...Vince is talkin' about an Ausie Bubba Clause.

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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popgun
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Joined: Jan 26, 2005
Posts: 735
Location: Mitchell, GA, U.S.A. (2007 pop. 191)

PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 2:52 pm    Post subject: Re: MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL! Reply with quote

There ya go! That Bubba propably does dip rather than take a good chew (or plug). Laughing

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Chris Young, aka: popgun, Moderator
I don't know everything but I have made most of the mistakes already and lived through many of them.
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14038
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 10:58 pm    Post subject: Re: MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL! Reply with quote

Bushy has it right Chris.

In this multi national community in which we now live, one Bubba "Croc Dundee" Claws successfully tendered for the job. Very Happy

He is a little touchy about his appearance an figures that a big lump in his bottom lip don't look good and he was bought up to never expectorate, especially in public. Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Hence he dips rather than chaws. Very Happy Very Happy Oh yeah, and Boomer, his huge Lead 'Roo, don't like it either. Very Happy Very Happy

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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