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to good not to share
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7300
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 1:34 am    Post subject: to good not to share Reply with quote

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower...'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used that repairman since. Happened in Ipswich , Qld.

IDIOT SIGHTING :

I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P & W office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

Story from Collingwood, Melbourne.




IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.




From Bankstown , Sydney .

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

This happened in Elizabeth S.A.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a government employee in Adelaide P.O.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

STAY ALERT! They walk among us...not all are locked up

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7300
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 1:39 am    Post subject: Re: to good not to share Reply with quote

IDIOT SIGHTING.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c..
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13417
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 2:12 am    Post subject: Re: to good not to share Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10450
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 7:14 am    Post subject: Re: to good not to share Reply with quote

And they breath too...Wasting perfectly good oxygen.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5817
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 3:05 pm    Post subject: Re: to good not to share Reply with quote

Scary
These are the people that supposedly pay for our pension.

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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tikkat3
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 30, 2006
Posts: 707

PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 12:52 am    Post subject: Re: to good not to share Reply with quote

Hey, whats going on here Elvis
Your Idiot sightings are a bit to close to home[mine] and to far away from yours
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13417
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2016 4:13 am    Post subject: Re: to good not to share Reply with quote

tikkat3 wrote:
Hey, whats going on here Elvis
Your Idiot sightings are a bit to close to home[mine] and to far away from yours

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2325
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2016 1:17 pm    Post subject: Re: to good not to share Reply with quote

Give it some time and we will find the un zud edition.
I think "idiot" translates to the same thing in both dialects.

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7300
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2016 1:22 am    Post subject: Re: to good not to share Reply with quote

I see the last one quite a bit as SWMBO is great at giving the extra coinage......... love it even more when power goes out and cash registers are down..... apperently they dont teach how to count anymore.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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DallanC
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: Jan 18, 2005
Posts: 3181
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2016 10:55 am    Post subject: Re: to good not to share Reply with quote

gelandangan wrote:
Scary
These are the people that supposedly pay for our pension.

Scarier is they get to vote in elections too.


We have a McDonalds here in town that at the first drive through window it has a sign in braille that reads: "Please pull forward to next window"

o.O


-DallanC
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