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Half a Head
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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lesterg3
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Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 1327
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 4:26 am    Post subject: Half a Head Reply with quote

A man walks into a grocery store and wants to buy a half a head of lettuce
but the very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Texas, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players in Texas."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Texas."

"No shit?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?"

_________________
"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "--Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Thomas Jefferson.

NRA Life Member
Vietnam War Vet 68-69
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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 7867
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 5:32 am    Post subject: Re: Half a Head Reply with quote

Thanks for the morning chuckle, lester!

_________________
"To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth." - Theodore Roosevelt

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10685
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 7:28 am    Post subject: Re: Half a Head Reply with quote

Yup...Beats the hell out of Vince's jokes.

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Pumpkinslinger
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Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Posts: 4550
Location: NC foothills

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 10:32 am    Post subject: Re: Half a Head Reply with quote

Good one! That feller has a future, probably in politics...

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Mike

"I ain't no better than anyone else, and there ain't no one better than me!" Ma Kettle

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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5957
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 3:14 pm    Post subject: Re: Half a Head Reply with quote

Haha What a silver tongued bastard.

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A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7819
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 11:13 pm    Post subject: Re: Half a Head Reply with quote

very quick thinking..... Very Happy Very Happy

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13980
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Sep 02, 2016 2:49 am    Post subject: Re: Half a Head Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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