HuntingNut
HuntingNut
   Login or Register
HomeCommunity ForumsPhoto AlbumsRegister
     
 

User Info

Welcome Anonymous


Membership:
Latest: RichardZ
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 0
Overall: 13126

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 156
BOT: 1
Total: 157
Who Is Where:
 Visitors:
01: Statistics
02: Photo Albums
03: Photo Albums
04: Forums
05: Forums
06: Forums
07: Home
08: Forums
09: Forums
10: Reloading Database
11: Forums
12: Forums
13: Photo Albums
14: Forums
15: Forums
16: Statistics
17: Forums
18: Forums
19: Forums
20: Forums
21: Your Account
22: Forums
23: Forums
24: Forums
25: Photo Albums
26: Your Account
27: Forums
28: Forums
29: Forums
30: Home
31: Home
32: Forums
33: PointBlank Ballistics
34: Forums
35: Home
36: PointBlank Ballistics
37: Forums
38: Home
39: Forums
40: Photo Albums
41: Forums
42: Forums
43: Forums
44: Home
45: News
46: Forums
47: Forums
48: Home
49: Forums
50: Home
51: Home
52: Forums
53: Home
54: Forums
55: Your Account
56: Home
57: Forums
58: Home
59: Home
60: Forums
61: Forums
62: Forums
63: Forums
64: Forums
65: Home
66: Forums
67: Home
68: Your Account
69: Forums
70: Your Account
71: Forums
72: Forums
73: Forums
74: Forums
75: Forums
76: Forums
77: Forums
78: Forums
79: Forums
80: Forums
81: Photo Albums
82: Forums
83: Forums
84: Home
85: Forums
86: Photo Albums
87: Forums
88: Forums
89: Your Account
90: Forums
91: Forums
92: Forums
93: Forums
94: Forums
95: Your Account
96: Forums
97: Home
98: Forums
99: Home
100: Photo Albums
101: Forums
102: Home
103: Photo Albums
104: Home
105: Home
106: Forums
107: Forums
108: Forums
109: Forums
110: Photo Albums
111: Forums
112: Forums
113: Home
114: Forums
115: Forums
116: Your Account
117: Your Account
118: Forums
119: Forums
120: Reloading Database
121: Forums
122: Forums
123: Home
124: Forums
125: Home
126: Home
127: Home
128: Home
129: Forums
130: Forums
131: Forums
132: Home
133: Your Account
134: Your Account
135: Your Account
136: Forums
137: Forums
138: Home
139: Forums
140: Photo Albums
141: Forums
142: Forums
143: Forums
144: Forums
145: Home
146: Home
147: Forums
148: Home
149: Photo Albums
150: Your Account
151: Forums
152: Forums
153: Home
154: Forums
155: Your Account
156: Forums
  BOT:
01: Your Account

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
 

Coppermine Stats
Photo Albums
 Albums: 308
 Pictures: 2451
  · Views: 820725
  · Votes: 1316
  · Comments: 86
 

Dating rules
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor

View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
515034s10ring
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 08, 2005
Posts: 1153
Location: Working my way back up and around

PostPosted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 7:10 pm    Post subject: Dating rules Reply with quote

As the father of 2 young ladies i like these quite a bit Wink And if this was posted before........CRS Very Happy

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early".

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun. a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

_________________
Why no......I'm really not an outdoorsmsn at all. But i did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night!
Back to top
View user's profile
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11390
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sat Apr 22, 2006 7:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Dating rules Reply with quote

10ring...These are very old indeed, but sage rules for male dates to live by. My daughter's boyfriends had to live by them and they are still good today. It doesn't hurt to refresh ones memory with good rules...By the way...My daughter is 35. And these are older then that.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5944

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 7:12 am    Post subject: Re: Dating rules Reply with quote



I dont think it was ever posted here 10Ring dont worry no CRS for you today Laughing

But on the internet you normally see this called "Ten Rules to Dating a Drill Instructors Daughter". I've shown it before to some girls I know and told them that I was gonna use these rules if I did end up with a daughter. Very Happy Claimed I'd be a bad father because I wouldnt give my daughter any freedoms. Shocked Now I myself I called it "protecting your daughter from scum" but thats just me. Cool

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11390
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 8:31 am    Post subject: Re: Dating rules Reply with quote

Don't worry Dimitri. Wait until those girls have daughters of their own.
They'll change their minds...Before I hooked up with this woman she was a wild one. When she had her daughter she turned into a tyrant and I was the one that had to slow her down to keep her from stifling her daughter too much.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
Back to top
View user's profile
515034s10ring
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 08, 2005
Posts: 1153
Location: Working my way back up and around

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:12 pm    Post subject: Re: Dating rules Reply with quote

Yeah Bushy i hear ya about women being on the wild side......I'm STILL dealing with that issue (maybe i should have married an older women Laughing ) .

But honestly now...Unless law makers abolish the Right To Carry law, i really don't think my daughters will have too much of a problem.....Oh, Certianly when they are of age that is Twisted Evil Wink

_________________
Why no......I'm really not an outdoorsmsn at all. But i did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night!
Back to top
View user's profile
PaulS
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 4330
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:48 pm    Post subject: Re: Dating rules Reply with quote

:^)

Gentlemen,

I trained my daughter so that I didn't have to threaten her boy friends.
I taught her to shoot at a tender age - I think she was 7 when she fired her first handgun - and she was good enough by 8 to shoot without any help and keep her shots in a 6 inch circle of black (aiming at a white dot center).
What really did it was I knew I could trust her. The boys before her fiance didn't stand a chance. When she got engaged - it was me she came to for advice on just about every tension in their relationship. Her husband (now) and I had one heart to heart talk after he demonstrated a temper on my kitchen door - I told him in a very calm voice that he needed to get that temper under control bacause if he ever hit my daughter I would kill him. It wasn't a threat and he knew it. I just wanted him to understand that even after they got married there were certain rules that would never change. We have stayed on good terms through two grandsons and a host marital challenges. I trust him too. They are both active in their church and have good support systems in place. They have never once questioned the love they share.

_________________
Paul
__________________
Speer, Lyman, Hodgdon, Sierra, and Hornady = reliable loading data
So and So's pages on the internet = NOT reliable loading data
Always check data against manuals
NEVER exceed maximum listed loads
Back to top
View user's profile Send e-mail
Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 11390
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 2:21 pm    Post subject: Re: Dating rules Reply with quote

Gave my daughter a gelded horse. The boys couldn't compare or compete.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...


Last edited by Bushmaster on Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:53 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile
515034s10ring
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 08, 2005
Posts: 1153
Location: Working my way back up and around

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 2:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Dating rules Reply with quote

I think i may be off to a good start Very Happy

Eldest (8 at the time) with a comped 9mm at 10 yards Mr. Green Cheers

Edited to correct yardage Neutral ........It's 15 yards not 10 yards Wink .

_________________
Why no......I'm really not an outdoorsmsn at all. But i did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night!


Last edited by 515034s10ring on Sun Apr 23, 2006 5:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile
Dimitri
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 25, 2005
Posts: 5944

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 3:47 pm    Post subject: Re: Dating rules Reply with quote

Jaw Drop

Dimitri

_________________
A thousand hills, but no birds in flight, ten thousand paths, with no people's tracks. A lonely boat, a straw-hatted old man, fishing alone in the cold river snow.
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 9:27 pm    Post subject: Re: Dating rules Reply with quote

Being a proud father of four(4).....yep, thats right 4, daughters I knew I had my work cut out for me. Sad

Taught 3 of them to shoot; got a 12' bull whip; took their boyfriend to the range while I explained the facts of life to them; then sat back waiting for the problems to arrive. Sad

Only had reason for one "man to man" chat with one of my son-in-laws, when he started crying I figured he had had enough "advice". Very Happy Haven't had a reason to do any "contact counselling".....yet, but I don't expect to. Smile

My 2 eldest are married with 3 kids a piece so I guess they are big enough and old enough to solve their problems....unless Dad is needed. Mad

One thing I always said though is that I had no qualms about spending the rest of my life in goal for protecting one of my daughters. I still stand by that statement. Evil or Very Mad Cool

Apart from that.....love the Rules above 10ring, they tell it like it should be.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Vince
Site Admin
Site Admin


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 15704
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Apr 23, 2006 9:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Dating rules Reply with quote

Being a proud father of four(4).....yep, thats right 4, daughters I knew I had my work cut out for me. Sad

Taught 3 of them to shoot; got a 12' bull whip; took their boyfriend to the range while I explained the facts of life to them; then sat back waiting for the problems to arrive. Sad

Only had reason for one "man to man" chat with one of my son-in-laws, when he started crying I figured he had had enough "advice". Very Happy Haven't had a reason to do any "contact counselling".....yet, but I don't expect to. Smile

My 2 eldest are married with 3 kids a piece so I guess they are big enough and old enough to solve their problems....unless Dad is needed. Mad

One thing I always said though is that I had no qualms about spending the rest of my life in goal for protecting one of my daughters. I still stand by that statement. Evil or Very Mad Cool

Apart from that.....love the Rules above 10ring, they tell it like it should be.

Cheers, Vince

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
Back to top
View user's profile AIM Address MSN Messenger Yahoo Messenger Photo Gallery
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index » Jokes & Humor
Page 1 of 1
All times are GMT - 7 Hours



Jump to:  


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Valid CSS! Valid HTML 4.01!
Click to check if this page is realy HTML 4.01 compliant for speed :)

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of HuntingNut.com.
The comments are property of their posters, all the rest © 2011 by HuntingNut.com
Interactive software released under GNU GPL, Code Credits, Privacy Policy

.: Upgraded to DragonFly 9.2 by *Dizfunkshunal* :.