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Marriage License Office Clerk
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13706
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2015 6:19 am    Post subject: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."

"Names?", said the clerk.
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones?? Are you related?? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers?? You can't get married."
"Why not?? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay?? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've claim they'd been denied equal protection under law.
If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have.
But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."

"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says?? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right. Next."

"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Anderson."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself?? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together.
Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."

"That does it!? I quit!!? You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"

...Don't laugh, it’s just a matter of time.

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10608
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2015 8:13 am    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

Yup...And some woman or man will be wanting to marry their dog...

_________________
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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Tremblay
Super Member
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1853
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2015 9:41 am    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

Ain't it the truth!

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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gelandangan
Super Member
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5894
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2015 2:21 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Yup...And some woman or man will be wanting to marry their dog...

I thought they already did that in Californi-cating-a..

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


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Elvis
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7614
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2015 10:59 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

sad but true....

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Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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lesterg3
Super Member
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Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 1327
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Fri Jul 24, 2015 1:43 am    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

Very Happy but Sad

_________________
"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "--Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Thomas Jefferson.

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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3581
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Fri Jul 24, 2015 6:16 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

Those folks at the license bureau are kings of their domains. They aren't nearly that easy.

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Paul
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multigauge
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Joined: Apr 16, 2008
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 6:07 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

The lawyers haven't figured this one out yet. An elderly widower on his deathbed marries his grandson. His entire estate and fortune passes to his grandson tax-free per the IRS code since he is now a spouse. There is now no inheritance tax for that "family."
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10608
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 8:05 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

Hummm...Sneaky idea.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2374
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 8:29 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

I like it.
This is what will be the deathnell of the gay marriage idea, thieves in irs wont like a loop hole like that.

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Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3581
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 10:45 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

I like the concept... not sure about the execution though.

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Paul
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Elvis
Super Member
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7614
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 12:21 am    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

multigauge wrote:
The lawyers haven't figured this one out yet. An elderly widower on his deathbed marries his grandson. His entire estate and fortune passes to his grandson tax-free per the IRS code since he is now a spouse. There is now no inheritance tax for that "family."
I guess Scratch he will be entitled to a widowers benefit too Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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44marty
Super Member
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Joined: Mar 20, 2009
Posts: 775
Location: Cheshire, MA; USA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 11:27 pm    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Yup...And some woman or man will be wanting to marry their dog...
Might have an issue with the dog's age (dogs over 18 yrs old are hard to come by - and way too ornery and ugly to marry)

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The strength of the wolf is in the pack; the strength of the pack is in the wolf. ~ R. Kipling

I LOVE YOU, LADY LUCK !!!
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PaulS
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Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3581
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 12:08 am    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

I like dogs a lot more than some people.. I never wanted to marry one though. They won't shave their legs or underarms. Might as well marry a French farmers daughter.



wait... I don't think that came out quite the way I was thinking it. Wink

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Paul
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dhc4ever
Super Member
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2374
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 12:35 am    Post subject: Re: Marriage License Office Clerk Reply with quote

Oh yes, it did....

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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