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Ramblings of a Retired Mind
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13980
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 4:14 am    Post subject: Ramblings of a Retired Mind Reply with quote

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.

I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life, because Life is a journey to be savored.

Gentle Thought for Today:
Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of
Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth .
AMEN

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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lesterg3
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 1327
Location: Dixie

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 12:24 pm    Post subject: Re: Ramblings of a Retired Mind Reply with quote

Very Happy Very Happy

_________________
"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "--Thomas Jefferson

The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms."--James Madison

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Thomas Jefferson.

NRA Life Member
Vietnam War Vet 68-69
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Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1932
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 2:10 pm    Post subject: Re: Ramblings of a Retired Mind Reply with quote

Can relate to some

_________________
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark
Twain

Never argue with a stupid person ,cause they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twwain
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5957
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 2:20 pm    Post subject: Re: Ramblings of a Retired Mind Reply with quote

I am waaaay too young to know any of these..

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2448
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 3:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Ramblings of a Retired Mind Reply with quote

I must be older than I thought, I get most of these...........: (

_________________
Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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PaulS
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3713
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2015 1:16 am    Post subject: Re: Ramblings of a Retired Mind Reply with quote

I must be really old - I can't remember these things ever happening...

Alzheimers is great, new friends everyday and I go to bed with a new woman every night.

_________________
Paul
__________________
Speer, Lyman, Hodgdon, Sierra, and Hornady = reliable loading data
So and So's pages on the internet = NOT reliable loading data
Always check data against manuals
NEVER exceed maximum listed loads
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