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Army Rules
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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whittling
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Location: Texas (home state is Mass)

PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 6:00 pm    Post subject: Army Rules Reply with quote

A few rules about the army I've learned in basic-
If you can see the enemy, he can see you.
Never tell a Sergeant you have nothing to do.
If the enemy is in range, so are you .
Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
CIF has only two sizes: too large and too small.
Whoever said, 'the pen is mightier than the sword', obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
Friendly fire isn't.
Tracers work both ways.
A M-16 is a light weapon for only the first 2 miles of a road trip.
You will hurry up to get to formation on time only to wait for the drill sgt. For a hour.
There is no such thing as getting smoked or punished- just corrective training.
Your weapon is most likely to jam on qualification day.
Cough drops are worth their weight in gold.
Volunteer for everything, just be a little slower than everyone else to do so.
Sadly, common sense can't be issued.
Haircut options- bald, bald or bald.
If you finish organizing your locker and relax for a minute the drill sarge will walk in yell at you for being lazy.

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Suzanne
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 8:06 pm    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

Howz-about from the Navy point of view;

If you got hit on the last inspection for shoe shine and you spent extra time on it this time, you'll get hit this time for dirty fingernails.

If things turn out bad and someone yells "push-up position" and lights a cigar, you can forget about calling home any time soon.

Oh, and while in that push-up position, don't start sweating, they'll accuse you of crying and you'll never hear the end of it.

A marching party is really not a party at all. It starts at night when everyone else gets to bed down, but there isn't any drinking going on. I got to go to one and it was more of a yoga-like contortion contest with a lot of yelling going on....totally weird too.

A grinder is not a sandwich, but a scuttlebutt is a drinking fountain and a rumor.

The right side of a boat is the starboard side, the left side is the larboard side and also the port side. A sheet is a rope. A dog watch is not a watch for a dog but there is a first and second dog watch and each half hour a bell strikes. So are airdales dogs that fly?

A smoking lamp is not a lamp that smokes but when the lamp is lit, you can smoke.

You don't get hash in your chow but after 4 years you can get a hash mark.

If a boot has a bluejacket and an insect is a boot, then does an insect have a bluejacket?

If you have to go to bat, is that the same as going to mast? Should you wear a ball cap? Bring you're billet? Bow to the C.O. or the O.O.D.? shake their hand? bring offerings of candy?

If your section leader is dogging the watch so you can rotate in to watch a few salvos as you come on range, is that called a field day?

If you're topside on the quarterdeck fingering your liberty card, does that mean you're going on a shore patrol?



Scuse me
gotta get
some
geedunk

Suz

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 8:06 am    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

Stay away from those sticky buns Suz!!

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Suzanne
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 1:16 pm    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

Oh Bushy they're sticky alright.



Suz
with a view

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gelandangan
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 2:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

wtf Insane

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 4:27 pm    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

Suz...I don't mean those buns. I mean the ones with the maple sur...Oh never mind.

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
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pete4d
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 11, 2014 6:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

Suz,, is this close to the poop-deck ?

If you're topside on the quarterdeck fingering your liberty card, does that mean you're going on a shore patrol?

BTW I was army .

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When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other.

I'm on the watch list are you ?
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Suzanne
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 7:13 am    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

Well the poop deck is to the rear of the boat and the quarterdeck is right in front of it and I'm no wog but I've done a lot a sailing (not Navy sailing tho).....so yes it's close to the poop deck.

Bushy I like my sticky buns covered in lemon cream...


Suz

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 7:22 am    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

Oh-oh...(Backing away slowly)....

Anyone know what a "dungbat" is? A "dungbat" is kept on the "poop deck" and has a line attached to it. Archie Bunker called his wife a "dingbat" if that helps.

How about "your turn in the barrel"? [old naval term (practice).]

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Vince
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 4:54 pm    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

"Your turn in the barrel"... Shocked Shocked Evil or Very Mad same as "looking for the golden rivet" I've heard.

Hey Suz..."sticky buns"...yummo mate Razz Razz slurrrrpppp. Laughing A very liberal coating of good quality butter and I'm in heaven...that's assuming your sticky buns are the same as those I'm thinking of...we call them finger buns.

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Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

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(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 9:12 pm    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

Nothing like "your turn in the barrel" Vince.

Butter? Finger buns? I'm outa here...!!

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Victorian
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 4:51 am    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

whittling wrote:
You will hurry up to get to formation on time only to wait for the drill sgt. For a hour.
lol - we always said "hurry up and wait" - I guess it's universal
5th Bn RVR (The Victorian Scottish) Army Reserve Infantry

Another thing we said was that modern armies were similarly equipped and trained and the side that would win was the one that could withstand the most hardship and discomfort and keep functioning, so therefore our training was all about inflicting as much hardship and discomfort as possible - lol - but good times :-)

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Victorian
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 5:00 am    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

Vince wrote:
"looking for the golden rivet"
??? never heard of that

"Choco" - vernacular for "Chocolate Soldier" - what regulars (Vince - ARA) would call me (Reservist). Chocolate because they reckon we would melt it if got hot Laughing

BTW, Vince, looking at the ARA badge, those rifles look like 7.62 converted SMLE's (not a 303). Would that be right? Curious. RVR still has the FN SLR on the badge.

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Bushmaster
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 6:46 am    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

The golden rivet is found in the deepest bowels of the ship (the bilges). Also known as "bilge diving".

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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TRBLSHTR
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 10:52 am    Post subject: Re: Army Rules Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
The golden rivet is found in the deepest bowels of the ship (the bilges). Also known as "bilge diving".
Shocked Also the place that the "old salts" go to teach the newbies about the "golden rivet"! Razz

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