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BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 10:45 pm    Post subject: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut from 72 to only 45. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings, and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members, and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, but to be treated like this is very unfair."

Speaking from his lean-to in the West Midlands town of Tipton , where he currently resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off.
I don't like cutting wages, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my members that they won't be able to blow themselves up." Bomb

Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle , Middlesbrough, Essex, Glasgow, Campbelltown, New Zealand, Australia and British Columbia stated that they would be unaffected, as there are no virgins in these areas anyway. Cool Cool

Apparently, the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been largely put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Shocked Shocked wtf Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are no longer so keen on going to paradise. Mad Mad

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(Never let the bastards grind you down)

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Tremblay
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 11:00 pm    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

Good one Vince

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RePete
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 4:38 am    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

Worship

Misc

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Suzanne
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 7:05 am    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

That is funny in so many ways you must read it slowly to get the entire impact.
Thanks Vincent

Suz

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Vince
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 7:25 am    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

Suzanne wrote:
That is funny in so many ways you must read it slowly to get the entire impact.
Thanks Vincent

Suz

Have you been speaking to my Mum Suzanne? Only time I get called Vincent is when I am in deep doo doo. scared Hiding

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Suzanne
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 12:11 pm    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

I've used to be into British motorcycles. There used to be a shop in Tucson that sold British basket cases and you could buy one and use their back yard to try and assemble it. Had my eye on a WWII Matchless but they also had a nice Vincent (don't know what model it was) and a very handsome devil it was. So take it as a complement to share the name of a famous handsome motorcycle Vinnie. I never rode a street bike, only dirt bikes but when I heard a Matchless running it gave me inspiration. A very slow thump thump thump, you could count the revolutions, I just wanted to sit on that thing and get thumped too. OK enough of that.....


Suz

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Elvis
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 1:42 pm    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

Two Burka clad mothers sitting at the park bench beside a graveyard where the remaining bits of their suicide bombing children were buried in a bake bean tin sized coffins Shocked overheard to remark "young people these days, they blow up so fast"

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gelandangan
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 3:03 pm    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

I believe they are promised virgins, but never promised WHAT virgins.
I also believe that they somewhat have affection with goats donkeys and camel..

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English Mike
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Location: Whitehaven, Cumbria, UK

PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 3:32 pm    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

Muslim wife to her husband as she tries on a new burkha: "Does my bomb look big in this?"

You should have bought the Vincent Suz: even a basket case will cost you $20,000 & more these days.
I saw a nice Velocette Venom out on the road today (first warm day of the year).

Sadly we had THREE separate motorcycle fatalities just in this county today. Sad
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Elvis
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 3:38 pm    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

we've had 2 in a week !!!!!

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Suzanne
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:19 am    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

EnglishMike I was just looking on the internet at Brit bikes and found a nice restored Matchless (1947) for 7,000 usd but it's in Uruguay....Last May at the MidAmerica auction there was a 1953 Black Shadow that got $90,000usd and a 1951 Black Shadow mounted on a 1949 frame that got $45,000usd and it wasn't a looker either with rust and in need. There's a British auction house (Bonhams) that has a 1926 Brough Superior (which I think has a Matchless motor) is expecting to fetch between $270,000 to $330,000usd. Unbelievable prices but the aution house has some incredible restorations that are just museum quality and here's one for ya I've never seen one, they didn't make very many of them a 1955 Vincent Black Prince recently at auction got $122,500usd and probably a better than new condition restoration because I bet the fiberglass on it is better than what they could do in 1955. I could could just wet myself.....

Oh Vinnie by the way there was also a few Bultacos one was a 1973 Bultaco 250cc Alpina that went for $4,500usd, it got the high price because it was street legal and licenced in California. That was at the MidAmerica auction. So hang on to that prize.


who got
me started
Suz

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Vince
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 6:09 am    Post subject: Re: BRITISH AL QAEDA TO GO ON STRIKE Reply with quote

I believe the Brough Superior motor (the inline 4 cylinder) was made by Brough. Wasn't uncommon to see them in small light home built airplanes back in the 40's and 50's. What model Matchie is the one in Uruguay Suz? $7K is a lot of money for a Matchie...unless it's a 7R, then assuming it is complete, and in reasonable condition, it is a steal.

One of my younger brothers had a 350cc AJS with matching numbers and in concourse condition (until he got cleaned up by a learner driver). He also had a 500cc AJS that he raced in Classic Racing. Not many 500cc single AJS motorcycles run on methanol and were good for 120mph. Another of my brothers is a 1942 WLA 750cc side valve Harley freak. He has a couple, one with a sidecar. My youngest brother has Triumph Bonnevilles, both pre-unit and unit, an Ariel 650cc Speed Twin and a couple of Harleys. I am the "white sheep" of the family...I only have my two Bultacos, and have never been a 1% biker.

I always wanted to get a Vincent HRD Black Shadow and put the motor into a Norton Featherbed frame...the best of both worlds...horsepower and handling. Another project I have had in the back of my mind for the past 40 yrs is a trike with either a Harley knuckle motor or a panhead Harley motor...with a "little" improvement for the sake of gaining some horsepower.

Another dream project has always been a 1971 Dodge Challenger with a 426 hemi...I just wish I had the money to do all three projects.

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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