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Grammar is important
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2214
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 9:19 pm    Post subject: Grammar is important Reply with quote

.Subject: Sex and good Grammar

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was
rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket
to the medicine man. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned,
'This is a powerful medicine.

You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.'
When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and
then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said,
"1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.


Now who would have guessed that grammar was so important!

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slimjim
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Joined: May 16, 2009
Posts: 6870
Location: Fort Worth TX

PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 10:39 pm    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

LOL, were you an "Queen's" English teacher, dhc4?

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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6781
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 11:41 pm    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

poor man....... very good.

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Suzanne
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Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3263
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 7:12 am    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

Dangling participle......It can mean war, or just a good movie (war is more fun)



Suz

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10200
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 7:19 am    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

Must be related to Vince.

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5660
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 1:46 pm    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Must be related to Vince.


Haha

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 12855
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 4:24 pm    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

Bushmaster wrote:
Must be related to Vince.

Surprised Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing Cool

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Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)

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pete4d
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Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 363
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 6:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

. Cheers LadysMan Cheers

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When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other.

I'm on the watch list are you ?
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Azar
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Joined: Jan 04, 2010
Posts: 231
Location: Utah

PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2014 1:03 pm    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

Puntuation is important. A couple of examples:

Wrong: Let's eat Grandma!
Right: Let's eat, Grandma!

Proper punctuation and grammar can save lives! Very Happy

Wrong: Do you know what I like about you? Your nuts.
Right: Do you know what I like about you? You're nuts.

Proper punctuation and grammar can save you from embarrasing situations! Very Happy
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 6781
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2014 2:17 pm    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

and your dog will teach you that "tone" is more important than both!!!!

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10200
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2014 6:06 pm    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

Depends...

Azar...How old is grandma?

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LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Aloysius
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Joined: Nov 03, 2009
Posts: 2001
Location: B., Belgium

PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2014 12:45 am    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

Bushy, you still have your own teeth or are they already imported? Is your jackhandle older or younger than your teeth?


on the other hand: one of the things I do like about goulash is...
or a marinade with somekind of acetic acid...

it started with "grammar is important"
and we end up with an "imported grandma"...
must be a lot of "nuts" arround here.
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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10200
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2014 7:29 am    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

Still have most of my own teeth and I'm older the my jackhandle by six years.

Next?

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1474
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2014 7:44 am    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

Aloysius wrote:
Bushy, you still have your own teeth or are they already imported? Is your jackhandle older or younger than your teeth?


on the other hand: one of the things I do like about goulash is...
or a marinade with somekind of acetic acid...

it started with "grammar is important"
and we end up with an "imported grandma"...
must be a lot of "nuts" arround here.


Yup one big tree full.......

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10200
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2014 7:50 am    Post subject: Re: Grammar is important Reply with quote

Insane Howdy Poke Nananana ROFL

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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