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Condom factory burns down in New Zealand
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14220
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 2:34 am    Post subject: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

Parental Advisory Parental Advisory

Condom factory burns down in New Zealand :

Helen Clarke, ex-Prime Minister of New Zulland, is awoken at 4 a.m by the telephone.

"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergincy !! I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground. It is istimated that the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

PM: "Shut !! The economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. W'ill be ruined."

Hilth Munister: "We're going to hef to shup some in from Brutain ?"

PM: "No chence. The Poms will have a field day on thus one.

Hilth Munister: "What about Australia ?"

PM: "I'll call Tony Abbott. Tell him we need one million condoms, ten enches long and eight enches thuck. That way they'll continue to respect the 'All Blacks'."

Three days later, a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes that arrived at the Pist Office.

She finds one million condoms - 10 enches long, 8 enches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one.



"MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM"

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Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 6033
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 3:21 am    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

Haha

Bloody loved it!!

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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10788
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 9:25 am    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

Beer does wonders to your key board... Laughing

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DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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pete4d
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Joined: Nov 27, 2011
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 4:42 pm    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

ain't gonna go there Cheers

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When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other.

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radar
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Joined: Oct 01, 2008
Posts: 1108
Location: North Island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 4:46 pm    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

The REAL story was actually the other way round! Vince just didn't want to be shown up .....

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gelandangan
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Joined: May 07, 2006
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Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 5:28 pm    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

LOL Not so..
Here in Oz, the guberment is payin out $$$ for us to procreate..
They would look at condom shortages as a boon.

_________________
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The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
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Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 6:12 pm    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

ho hummmm.

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dhc4ever
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Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2545
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:48 pm    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

Shouldn't tat have been size small?

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Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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gelandangan
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 9:22 pm    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

Also I thought them kiwis would be happier, I'm sure they could do with them extra sheep for export..

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
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The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


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Bushmaster
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Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10788
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 10:01 pm    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

And the Aussie verses NZ wars begin...Again.

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I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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gelandangan
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Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2014 12:27 am    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

Nah Bushy, we love your Long Clouds cuzins.
Its ANZAC and all... without them we would be AAC.. such an ugly name.
Besides knowing how to make sheep happy.. they are also good mates.

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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Elvis
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Joined: Jul 27, 2008
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Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2014 1:23 am    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

contrary to common belief it wasnt the french that invented the condom it was in fact the Australians...the french just worked out to take away the rest of the sheep!!!

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Vince
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 14220
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:13 am    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

Ya got that wrong Elvis...the condom was invented in the Middle East a few hundred years ago using goat intestines...it was the English who perfected it by taking the intestines out of the goat first. Embarassed Embarassed

OK...I'm on me way to the ladder. Sad

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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TRBLSHTR
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Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1071
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2014 1:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

Very Happy Good Vince-but I also heard that before the goat episode the english were using chickens-with the feathers(that might have been the original "french tickler")! Shocked
Don't slow going up that ladder! wtf

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Tremblay
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Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 2006
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2014 4:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Condom factory burns down in New Zealand Reply with quote

personal I do not shower with a raincoat on ....!!!!!!

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