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# 1 RULE
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1559
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 11:37 am    Post subject: # 1 RULE Reply with quote

MIGHT WORKMAN RULES

AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
FINALLY, the guys' side of the story. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!

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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2254
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 12:17 pm    Post subject: Re: # 1 RULE Reply with quote

Amen brother amen....



Pssst, the ladders over here.

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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TRBLSHTR
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1037
Location: Lower 48's-left coast(near portlandia)

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 12:42 pm    Post subject: Re: # 1 RULE Reply with quote

Laughing PLUS 1000!

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"Tolerance becomes a crime when applied to evil." Thomas Mann
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Tremblay
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1559
Location: Malta, Montana

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 3:08 pm    Post subject: Re: # 1 RULE Reply with quote

I was looking for it

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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain
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gelandangan
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 07, 2006
Posts: 5736
Location: Sydney Australia

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 4:11 pm    Post subject: Re: # 1 RULE Reply with quote

Sage words indeed..
Now I got to find some courage to tell SWMBO about those rules.
Hiding

_________________
A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.
A smile is the shortest distance between two people.

The government I trust .. is my .45-70 Government.

Do - Not try!


gelandangan.weebly.com/
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Suzanne
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 27, 2009
Posts: 3263
Location: Eugene, Oregon

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 4:51 pm    Post subject: Re: # 1 RULE Reply with quote

Round is a shape alright, but thick headed is a condition. The great thing about this list is that it took so many years to compile and you need to write it down to remember it.



Honey...where are
my socks?

In the sock
drawer....sheesh

Suz

_________________
May the moon keep you centered,
May the sun keep you dancing,
And the stars shed light on your dreams.
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7025
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 5:01 pm    Post subject: Re: # 1 RULE Reply with quote

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy awesome.

_________________
You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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PaulS
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3403
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 7:29 pm    Post subject: Re: # 1 RULE Reply with quote

Suz, there are only two rules at my house:

1. Paul is always right.

2. If Paul appears to be wrong see rule one.


I did give my wife a rule:

Anything that goes wrong is the fault of the nearest woman.


Ours is a happy household and I never have to sleep on the couch.

_________________
Paul
__________________
Speer, Lyman, Hodgdon, Sierra, and Hornady = reliable loading data
So and So's pages on the internet = NOT reliable loading data
Always check data against manuals
NEVER exceed maximum listed loads
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