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Some More Jokes
Jokes, funny stories and general humor
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Ominivision1
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Posts: 2984
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 11:31 am    Post subject: Some More Jokes Reply with quote

A team of British engineers have developed a car that runs on human waste. I'll bet that new car smell doesn't last very long. Very Happy

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before!
All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." Very Happy

A teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for Grade 1. My sister is in Grade 3 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the Grade 1 and behave. She agreed.
Six year old Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looked at Ms. Brooks and told her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why she would ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubblegum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Let's put him in Grade 5. I got the last seven questions wrong."

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Limitations are but boundaries created inside our minds.
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Vince
Super Member
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Joined: May 25, 2005
Posts: 13602
Location: Brisbane AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 11:05 pm    Post subject: Re: Some More Jokes Reply with quote

Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha

I think I should be back in First Grade...I got the last seven wrong as well. Embarassed

_________________
Cheers, Vince Cheers

Illegitimi non carborundum
(Never let the bastards grind you down)

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Nulla Si Fa Senza Volonta."
(Without Commitment, Nothing Gets Done)
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Bushmaster
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jun 12, 2005
Posts: 10542
Location: Ava, Missouri

PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 7:35 am    Post subject: Re: Some More Jokes Reply with quote

Well I guess it's back to pre-school for me. Though I must admit. I did well in biology class.

_________________
I have one nerve left and yer standin' on it...

DEMOCRACY Two wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for lunch...
LIBERTY A well armed sheep contesting the outcome of the vote...
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pete4d
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 425
Location: Dixie , Alabama , & Louisiana

PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 2:02 pm    Post subject: Re: Some More Jokes Reply with quote

Half the the fun is looking for the answers. Cheers LadysMan Cheers

_________________
"march to the sound of the guns and shoot everyone not dressed like you"--D I 1968

When the SHTF I'm gonna hunker down until all those idiots kill each other.

I'm on the watch list are you ?
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dhc4ever
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: May 26, 2011
Posts: 2354
Location: Ipswich, Queensland Australia

PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 2:26 pm    Post subject: Re: Some More Jokes Reply with quote

I must be a product of my up bringing, I got the last 7 wrong as well.

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Pete

Dont do anything you wont like explaining to the paramedics..............
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Elvis
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Jul 27, 2008
Posts: 7509
Location: south island New Zealand

PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 11:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Some More Jokes Reply with quote

me too!!!!!

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You shot it You pluck it !
Them who eats the most duck eats the most feathers!
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PaulS
Super Member
Super Member


Joined: Feb 18, 2006
Posts: 3539
Location: South-Eastern Washington - the State

PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 5:21 pm    Post subject: Re: Some More Jokes Reply with quote

If we all got the last seven wrong but the same answers then I am sure that the answer sheet is in error...... Smile

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Paul
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Speer, Lyman, Hodgdon, Sierra, and Hornady = reliable loading data
So and So's pages on the internet = NOT reliable loading data
Always check data against manuals
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